Make your day - laugh at women carrying LV bags

The strange abhorrence against LV products stems from my general suspicion that its immense popularity is all down to its logo (LV).

Either that or Louis Vuitton made a pact with the dark side. In exchange for his soul, Louis Vuitton got adulation, admiration and basically, undivided loyalty from all women for the next century (yes, for more than a hundred years). Not even Winston Churchill or Davy Crockett (the first American comic superhero who fought and died at the Alamo) got this sort of dog luck. Hell, come to think of it, I would do the same if I were in Louis' shoes (or LV sandals in this case). Which man, pray tell, wouldn't want women to think fondly of you everytime they caress their handbag or smooch their wallets?

Since I have no evidence that Louis Vuitton made a pact with the dark side, I shall grudingly conclude that the logo is the basis of the luxury brand's success. But that lies herein the complicated question. What is it about the logo that attracts women like flies to honey? like Beckham to a bad fugly haircut?

Some women and many gays might stop me right that and yell "BUT CAPTAIN OBVIOUS, IT IS NOT JUST THE LOGO. THE BAGS SERVES A UNIQUE FUNCTION WHICH OTHER BAGS COULD NOT". Unique my behind. What a load of rubbish. Some luxury goods are worth the price because it serves a functionable purpose. Merino wool is expensive because it is of exceptional quality, light and provides good insulation. (I know, cos my vest kept me from freezing into a ice cube on top of a glacier in NZ). Golf clubs like Titlelist or Nike are expensive compared to your average China made products (ever heard of Ni De, ha ha) for a reason. Taylor Made new R540 XD golf drivers can help to hit a ball off the tee to 350 yards and more and cost you a arm and a leg at US$500. Even a bloody mercedes benz (with its distinctive three pointed stars) can be said to be a technically great car on the road. Of course, driving a mercedes benz in Singapore is basically issuing an open invitation to all green eyed working men to heave a brick through the window or at least scratch your car from front to end with a coin or key. Ouch.

Or even bird nest. It is expensive because people from Guangdung and Fujian provinces have to risk their lives to climb high cliffs and fetch nests of swiftlets. It is supposed to be good as a tonic for ladies to improve their complexion and balance their yin and yang. Of course, ladies no longer need such tonics. One look at a LV Multicolored bag and their complexion will turn rosy. Of course, their bank balance won't well, balanced though.

But LV? I lump LV bags in the same category with Ralph Lauren polo shirts. The category called "useless, stuck-up, expensive and if you buy it, you deserve a drop kick from me". For those ignorant or blessed ones, Ralph Lauren polo shirts are the plain ones with a lousy small symbol of an idiot on horse playing . . . . polo. For one shirt with a neligible logo, it costs a freaking US$65. What? Why? I felt the shirt and it is not of better quality than any other shirts on the market. The logo is dumb, I mean c'mon it is a man on a horse with a stick for heaven's sake. You might as well put Fiona Xie or Fann Wong's picture on it. At least I could hang it on the wall and gaze at it.

LV blows. Its design sucks. LV Multicoloured designs look like some coloured blind kids got their hands on crayons and given the creative liberty to go wild on a canvas. I once puked on my bathroom floor after downing seven glasses of whiskey BL on the rocks. My puke design looked very similar to the LV Multicoloured design. Hell, it looked more artistic and I contemplated sending it to LVMH for their consideration. At least it will cost less than an authentic Multicoloured Speedy 30 at US$1200. Holy shit. And I just heard that bags off Damier and Mongram lines are not even real leather but vinyl coated canvas made to look like leather. Double holy shit.

So if it is not design or functional purpose, what is the charm in the two letters LV? Bottom line, there are no sane reasons why girls like to carry LV bags except:

(a) to make a fashion statement like those idiots who love to wear Ralph Lauren or heaven forbid, Banana Republic shirts.
(b) to make other girls green with envy with the latest bag from Damier or Monogram lines or heaven forbid, a Multicoloured (gasp).

There is another reason (c) but I will get to it at the next post.

In essence, next time you see a lady carrying a LV bag, feel free to exercise your right to laugh at her for spending more than US$1000 in trying to make a fashion statement which frankly, nobody cares. If she is carrying a LV multicoloured, try puking on her. You will be improving the bag's design. She will thank you for it. Possibly.