Spongebob Squarepants

When I was in Singapore, I was told that kids in Singapore today love a cartoon called Spongebob Squarepants. I was mystified and had to ask the name again.

"SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS" was the repeated answer. I thought I heard "SPYBOT SQUIRREL". I was thinking hmm, maybe a robotic squirrel which would transform into different gadgets to spy on the enemies and then blast them with giant cashew nuts from his squirrel cannons. Perhaps a low budget Transformer or spin-off from Inspector Gadget. It sounds stupid buy hey, kids this day. As long as they are not still enamoured with Power (Gay) Rangers and Masked "Dumbass" Rider, I am happy.

So I switched on to Central at about 5.30 pm, prime timeslot for kids. I had to endure a horrendous episode of Hi-5 (Confirms that there is no God as a benevolent deity would not allow these five dumbasses to sing and dance on TV like . . . dumbasses) at 5 pm before finally getting to watch Spongbob Squarepants.

Expecting a robotic squirrel, I saw this. My comment after watching 5 minutes of this cartoon? Well,

WHAT THE F IS THIS SHIT?!!!!

IS THIS THE DUMBEST AND GAYEST TV CARTOON OF ALL TIME OR WHAT? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

First, the main character is indeed, a f-king sponge. A SPONGE. With square pants. And lived at some place called Bikini Bottom. That in itself is vomit worthy. But it gets better (or worse, depending on your intelligence). Bob lives in a bottom of the ocean, screws around with a snail as a pet (which meows like a cat) and holds hands all the time with his "best friend" Patrick. Patrick is a fat starfish which is pink. This cartoon is so gay I can't believe TCS actually air it to our gullible kids. Look kids! A fat gay starfish and a sexually ambigious sponge! Stupid.

And then Bob and Patrick went screwing around pretending to be adults. The pink starfish likes to eat some stuff called Krabby-patties (I have to surf internet to know this shit), walks around in pyjamas and kept talking about defeating some evil monkey. WTF is going on? To add more confusion to this increasing silly mess, some squid walks into the scene and plays the clarinet which has a name, Clary or Gary (I think, who cares at this point?). The squid walks around, looking pissed at Spongebob for some unfathomable reasons and kept talking about the need to get a wig. For a squid. At this point, I went into shock as my mind shut down to protect my brain cells from this storm of stupidity. I thought Barney the Purple Dinosaur and Bananas in Pyjamas are bad. Spongebob and his lousy pants just managed to hammer a new meaning of "bad TV" into our pysche.

Back in the old days, TV was great. I came home from school and I get to watch Sabre Rider and the Star Sheriffs at 4.3o pm, maybe Thunderbirds at 5 pm, Transformers at 5.30pm and then Channel 8 will be screening Xiao Tian Tian - the little girl with a candy wand which can transform her into any adult character. Holy shit. Boys from my generation would just plonk our ass in front of the TV while our mothers put food in front of us like ladies of the house feeding domesticated hamsters. Why? Because we would be too transfixed by the latest ass kicking which the Star Sheriffs were dishing out to the Vapour Riders to go to the dinner table. Good wholesome family interaction revolving around TV cartoons which didn't suck. Hell, even Smurfs and Doraemon would kick Spongbob and his gay starfish friend's ass anyday. I can't understand kids these days. After watching Spongebob Squarepants, I don't think I can wash my dishes without looking at my sponge in the same way again.