Suggestions for Church Signs

One of the things I remember from my young days in Singapore was walking past St Andrew Cathedral near City Hall and marvelling at the luscious park surrounding the church. The whole place looks tranquil and should I say, angelic. Like all churches, St Andrew has a signboard outside quoting daily bible verses to passerbys. Some examples of messages that might be displayed are:

" The eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love. (Psalm 33:18 ) " - Your typical fear and love God message. Carrot and stick approach.

"Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. (Thessalonians 5:15)" - This is your "turn the other cheek" message.

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. (John 4:16b-17)" - Your standard message to try to convert the masses of faithless (and take advantage of the confused and vulnerable) to Christianity.

The verses are there on the signboard whenever you walked across the busy junction outside City Hall enroute to Funan IT Mall or Peninsula Plaza. As expected, the verses are meant to inspire the faithful and to persuade the faithless to visit the church so that they will hopefully see the light. Problem is of course, these verses are dry, bland and uncool. I mean, how many times could Christians say "God is Love" without us getting thoroughly sick at their bland message (and of course, a lie) and wanting to dragon-uppercut their faces? Turn the other cheek? Who would want to join a pussy religion which preaches to its followers to turn the other cheek when slapped? You would agree that these signs are not exactly well, cool.

Christian churches in Singapore need a new approach. For a start, they should get better church signs. Stop quoting dry and bland verses from the bible. Nobody cares. Instead, add some colours and life in their daily messages to the masses. Check out these awesome messages outside churches in the US:

"If you think it is hot here, imagine hell". - Church in Florida

"Santa Claus never died for anyone". - Church in Seattle

"Don't give up. Moses was once a nutcase too." - Church in Texas

"Forgive your enemies. It confuses them." - Church in Nashville

To do the christianity community in Singapore a favour, CO will compose some nice, holy messages using www.churchsigngenerator.com for them to consider. Totally free. Yes, you read that line correctly - I am not charging the Christians money for exercising my creative juices. See, I can be nice sometimes. Behold, the christian signs from CO:

(For all football fans in Singapore)

(This world sucks. No use denying it)

(I dedicate the above sign specially to all asshole Christians who dared to lecture me about Christianity even though they read only 5% of the bible, have no shit clue as to what is the Book Of Job and only go to Church when they feel like waking up for brunch at Scotts Shopping Centre).

(A twist to the Doomsday approach)

(Amen to that)

(Ha Ha Ha. Boring anti-Dan Brown brigades, ignorant and indignant christians need not apply)

(Many guys will sign up for that)

(Kali worshippers and LV lovers might not be happy but the rest of the world is)

(Since it is elections time and it looked like PAP might get a big fight from the WP)

And this is my favourite sign I created- considering we cannot never reach or speak to God:

I think the signs will usher in a new era of mass dumbass recruitment for Christian Churches. That, or someone will sue the Churches. Either way, it is all good.