Back to Form - the LV Bondage bag

Saying something decent about LV has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth - like I have been chewing bittergourd and drinking bitter coffee. The best way to get over it is either to visit KFC in Thailand and get a bucket of chicken (original) or revert to true form and say something bad about LV. Guess which way I choose?

Saying something bad about LV is easier than taking candy from children. You just go to the net and choose any LV product to rant about. Everywhere you surf, you will find some dumbasses who have happily put up pictures of their LV bags for the world to laugh at. It just so happened that Vanilla has given me permission to use one of the pictures in her blog which is basically, a religious shrine for LV worshipping. If her blog is a high-rise building, I should be the one piloting a 747 crashing into it while laughing manically. Introducing the latest LV shitbag from hell, specially for people who love bondage.

I have no idea what it is or the name of the bag's model. Knowing LV, it will be named after pretentious places such as LV Casablanca or LV Beverly Hills. You can bet it won't be called LV Ang Mo Kio Street 21. I have seen this bag around but I was too paralysed by fear and loathing to actually comment on it.

The design for one, is well . . . odd, and that is putting it nicely. Intricate chains splashed all over the bag with LV words placed (strategically or randomly - you decide) at certain spots. Coupled with the occasional keys and padlocks motiffs are the four-leaf clovers which LV designers loved. Right smack in the middle of the bag from hell is a real padlock designed for carriers to, perhaps lock their virginity in it. I strongly suspect this bag evolved from the old chastity belts which medieval kings made their queens wear when they were away on campaigns. In essence, it is a bag suitable for the following:

(a) people who have a serious security issue. They are paranoid of being robbed and wanted their bags to convey the impression that it is "unrobbable" and "unopenable" with tons of chain and padlock designs. So go carry a safe, stupid;

(b) ex-prisoners who missed being locked up and put in chains;

(c) kinky people who watched way too many badly produced sex videos and are into chains and bondage sex play. Oooh, spank me. Dumbass. Oh and by the way, stop watching sex videos.

(d) your usual LV addicts who buy anything with the logo of LV on it.

Conclusion : Just looking at this bag managed to trigger my gag reflex. This bag made Murakami designs looked like Da Vinci's Mona Lisa. And you know how I feel about Murakami. If someone gives you this bag, lock it up and throw the key away please.