Blogs - I am not laughing with you. I am laughing AT you.
Don't you just love blogs? Being new to the blogsphere (i do hate this term), I read more than a couple of popular blogs to see what's the big deal about them. Yes, I have a voyeur streak in me but then so does everyone else who read people's blogs. We don't want to read success stories though. We want to read about really screwed up people having bad days, getting dumped . . . etc. It pains me to read 99% of the blogs out there which say nothing of interest, has the opinion of a door knob and belongs to the following three categories:
(a) Lame-ass, boring "I do this and eat that" blog.
A real example:
"Miss X : Today, I skipped breakfast because I was rushing for work and during lunch, I had only Cantonese century egg porridge at Lau Pa Sat with my China colleague. I had no dinner before my workouts though I enjoyed a red bean popicle just before the session. Had rice with chicken, steamed green veggies and carrot soup at home
Oh what joy it is to hear that Miss X have Century egg porridge and an awesome red bean popicle! WHO THE HELL CARES WHETHER YOU HAVE RICE WITH CARROT SOUP? Stop wasting internet's bandwidth on your boring-ass blog. I repeat-you are blogging about carrot soup. How boring ass could you get? At least use some adjectives when writing about the carrot soup. Is it good? Do you feel like a bunny? Do I need to hit you on the head with carrots? The internet is already becoming too cluttered with people who just dumped details of their boring life on their blogs. If I wanted to know about details of boring lives, I just look at the mirror at myself. When I stumble onto such a blog, I usually grabs the nearest holy item (not the bible since I have decided to become an athetist some time ago to spite all the dumbass Christians which kept telling me I am bound for hell - yeah right) which happens to be a can of beer, ward off the demons of boring evil, reload my browser server and fight the temptation to take a bath to wash the dirt away from my eyes.
(b) Repetitive Photo-whoring blogs
Blogs with so little (or declining) substance that they keep putting up the same inane pictures on their blogs to disguise the utter lack of opinions or interesting topics. Stupid. I read this blog once which the girl (why is it always the girls) keep putting up pictures of her baby niece. Pictures of her sitting, smiling, crying and drawing cute captions over her head. It makes me sick. Stop wasting bandwidths, dolts. If all the pictures you have is that drooling baby, here's an ingenious thought - "GET AN ALBUM". Put up pictures only if you are engaging in interesting activities like pole-dancing naked or completing the last stage of Resident Evil 4 or something. Which I did - last night (not pole dancing you douchebag).
And we all know our favourite blogger in Singapore who has since drop all pretensions to be a serious blogger and just try to overwhelm everyone's senses with pictures of herself, pictures of Zouk / MOS / Some funky shitty pub which the rest of the world don't bother and more pictures of herself. Here's a tip - It is refreshing when you do it for the first time, but not No.112382 you dumbass. How many smoky images of MOS could a person take before he or she screams in pain? MOS is smoky and there are dumbasses dancing - okay, I get it. I don't mind it so much when she talked about controversial issues - at least it is some substance and something she feels strongly (although wrongly) about. But if you look up photo-whore in the dictionary, I suspect we will see her face nowadays. By the time, I managed to view her blog after my server finished downloading the 346927 pictures, I have flown to Paris, thrown a rock at a LV store and flown back. Not to mention inventing a new source of clean energy emission. Pull up your socks dipshit - you used to be interesting.
(c) The Lovey Dovey, Turn-Left, Turn-Right Blog
AAHHHHH . . . My favourite blog to hate. The one which I grimly read on everyday, not because I like the blog but because I wanted to see the bloody ending which this girl will come to. Welcome to the world of Lovey Dovey, Turn-Left, Turn-Right Blog where girls (is this a pattern here?) write loving entries about how they love their boyfriends, what nice things they do for each other and how their love will stand the tests of times, endure the rotting of mountain and outlast the ocean. Bullshit like that.
A real life example of a girl which has the temerity to write a Turn-left, Turn right story of how she met her boyfriend and how much she loves him.
"Once upon a time, there was a boy, named Boy, and a girl, named Girl.Boy and Girl were born 14 days apart, at the same hospital.And, that marked the beginning of their paths that never crossed . . . They were so near to each other, yet they never met. Soon, they met. By chance. They finally met. After 20 long years of revolving around each other, all it took was 20 short days for them to be together."
Awww shucks. So romantic. Calling each others Boy and Girl. Comparing your love story to the movie Turn Left and Turn Right.
Don't you just know something bad is going to happen to these romantic dumbasses? Yep, you are right. Girl later GOT DUMPED and if you read her blog now, she is bitching non-stop about the same boy and complaining about her agony. What happen to Turn-left, Turn-right now, stupid girl? How about Turn-around, Bend-backward and Get your ass kicked?
HA HA HA HA. Thank you. I just love to laugh AT these people. Now that's why you read blogs.
(a) Lame-ass, boring "I do this and eat that" blog.
A real example:
"Miss X : Today, I skipped breakfast because I was rushing for work and during lunch, I had only Cantonese century egg porridge at Lau Pa Sat with my China colleague. I had no dinner before my workouts though I enjoyed a red bean popicle just before the session. Had rice with chicken, steamed green veggies and carrot soup at home
Oh what joy it is to hear that Miss X have Century egg porridge and an awesome red bean popicle! WHO THE HELL CARES WHETHER YOU HAVE RICE WITH CARROT SOUP? Stop wasting internet's bandwidth on your boring-ass blog. I repeat-you are blogging about carrot soup. How boring ass could you get? At least use some adjectives when writing about the carrot soup. Is it good? Do you feel like a bunny? Do I need to hit you on the head with carrots? The internet is already becoming too cluttered with people who just dumped details of their boring life on their blogs. If I wanted to know about details of boring lives, I just look at the mirror at myself. When I stumble onto such a blog, I usually grabs the nearest holy item (not the bible since I have decided to become an athetist some time ago to spite all the dumbass Christians which kept telling me I am bound for hell - yeah right) which happens to be a can of beer, ward off the demons of boring evil, reload my browser server and fight the temptation to take a bath to wash the dirt away from my eyes.
(b) Repetitive Photo-whoring blogs
Blogs with so little (or declining) substance that they keep putting up the same inane pictures on their blogs to disguise the utter lack of opinions or interesting topics. Stupid. I read this blog once which the girl (why is it always the girls) keep putting up pictures of her baby niece. Pictures of her sitting, smiling, crying and drawing cute captions over her head. It makes me sick. Stop wasting bandwidths, dolts. If all the pictures you have is that drooling baby, here's an ingenious thought - "GET AN ALBUM". Put up pictures only if you are engaging in interesting activities like pole-dancing naked or completing the last stage of Resident Evil 4 or something. Which I did - last night (not pole dancing you douchebag).
And we all know our favourite blogger in Singapore who has since drop all pretensions to be a serious blogger and just try to overwhelm everyone's senses with pictures of herself, pictures of Zouk / MOS / Some funky shitty pub which the rest of the world don't bother and more pictures of herself. Here's a tip - It is refreshing when you do it for the first time, but not No.112382 you dumbass. How many smoky images of MOS could a person take before he or she screams in pain? MOS is smoky and there are dumbasses dancing - okay, I get it. I don't mind it so much when she talked about controversial issues - at least it is some substance and something she feels strongly (although wrongly) about. But if you look up photo-whore in the dictionary, I suspect we will see her face nowadays. By the time, I managed to view her blog after my server finished downloading the 346927 pictures, I have flown to Paris, thrown a rock at a LV store and flown back. Not to mention inventing a new source of clean energy emission. Pull up your socks dipshit - you used to be interesting.
(c) The Lovey Dovey, Turn-Left, Turn-Right Blog
AAHHHHH . . . My favourite blog to hate. The one which I grimly read on everyday, not because I like the blog but because I wanted to see the bloody ending which this girl will come to. Welcome to the world of Lovey Dovey, Turn-Left, Turn-Right Blog where girls (is this a pattern here?) write loving entries about how they love their boyfriends, what nice things they do for each other and how their love will stand the tests of times, endure the rotting of mountain and outlast the ocean. Bullshit like that.
A real life example of a girl which has the temerity to write a Turn-left, Turn right story of how she met her boyfriend and how much she loves him.
"Once upon a time, there was a boy, named Boy, and a girl, named Girl.Boy and Girl were born 14 days apart, at the same hospital.And, that marked the beginning of their paths that never crossed . . . They were so near to each other, yet they never met. Soon, they met. By chance. They finally met. After 20 long years of revolving around each other, all it took was 20 short days for them to be together."
Awww shucks. So romantic. Calling each others Boy and Girl. Comparing your love story to the movie Turn Left and Turn Right.
Don't you just know something bad is going to happen to these romantic dumbasses? Yep, you are right. Girl later GOT DUMPED and if you read her blog now, she is bitching non-stop about the same boy and complaining about her agony. What happen to Turn-left, Turn-right now, stupid girl? How about Turn-around, Bend-backward and Get your ass kicked?
HA HA HA HA. Thank you. I just love to laugh AT these people. Now that's why you read blogs.
posted by Captain Obvious at 1:06 AM
9 Comments:
Got turn left, turn right story meh?
So far, I only see pictures of bloggers and more pictures of bloggers and more pictures of bloggers...and finally pictures of bloggers photoshopped.
Bloggers love themselves.
Controversial stories? After a while they get pretty lame and boring too.
Just went to look at that all famous blogger site. Only one paragraph to explain she is busy and along with it you'll find 100+ comments.
Maybe the problem lies with the readers.
If readers enjoy reading crap, naturally bloggers will write crap.
Check out the full story of Turn Left, Turn Right. Its a fun read if you are into studying how a lovey dovey girl's mind operates. Then follow her latest blog entries (after Jan 06) when they broke up. Even a better read.
http://potatomusmaximus.blogspot.com/2005/03/turn-left-turn-right-once-upon-time.html#comments
Aiyo, so she is related to our famous blogger huh.
In certain ways, she reminded me of myself when I was about her age.
Which brings me to a question which I always wanted to ask : Do girls always have the urge to call their boyfriends "my Boy"? Do girls know how uncomfortable the guys wil feel?
If I have a girlfriend and she keeps calling me her Boy, I will probably strangle her as a matter of principle.
Ha ha... no lah. I never call my man my boy.
BUt I do know of a friend in uni who calls her bf: my lover boy... ha ha... I can imagine the look on your face.
Somehow I think it is the age lah. When they are like my age, it is just "oei"
I just saw some of the 100+ comments she gets. OMG. Her readers are all 14-18 whiners group which leave such intellectual comments like:
"Bye"
"We will wait!"
"LOL"
How about AAAARGHHH?
My sentiments exactly.
Her entry can be summarised in 2 short sentences:
I am not free. So no time to blog.
And we have lots of XX addicts giving comments. Feel like some idol superstar thingy going on the blogoshere. No wonder Mr brown can't win XX, generation gap lah.
LOL I never call my bf my boy I call him pig
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