Avoiding Valentine Day's Massacre on a mountain

Where was I on Valentine's Day? In an attempt to escape all the dreary and painful consumer manifestations in connection with Hallmark Day, oh sorry, Valentine's Day, in Singapore, I decided to flee to Taipei. I figured anywhere was better than Singapore. Bad mistake. The night when I arrived, I plonked myself in my hotel bed, switched on the TV and realised that Taiwanese celebrated not one, but THREE Valentine's Day yearly. NOOOO.

The holidays-happy Taiwanese celebrated 14 Feb (Western Valentine's Day), 14 March (Japanese White Valentine's Day) and the Chinese Valentine's Day (on 4 Aug this year). Taiwanese TV channels were already running non-stop love specials such as Marathon kissing contest, speed dating in a bubble at a shopping mall in the UK, flowers/chocolates/spa/condom promotions, local folklores about a tree in Tainan which can grant marriage wishes by simply tying red strings over someone you fancied, success story of a couple who stayed married for 50 years (either that or the couple had given up trying to kill each other since 70 year-0ld geriatics usually did not have the strength to pick up a knife to stab each other any more) . . . etc.

Speaking of which, what is it with marathon kissing contest? Why would couples go out of the way to make themselves look stupid on national TV? Oooh, look at us, we can lock lips for hours in exchange for a minute of publicity and a life time of humiliation. Dumbass. And what's with putting yourself in a plastic bubble at supermarket in the UK and let woman look at you like a piece of meat? Ooohh, look at me, I am bubble boy! Single, lonely and desperate for housewives to look at me! Take me home! Thank you, fat ass. Here is a tip, putting yourself in a bubble at a supermarket is not going to improve your chances of getting a girl. You might as well wear a sign over your neck which says that "I am weird, lonely and do strange things with vegetables in my free time. Don't believe me? Take me home! ". Don't they stone people for indecent and weird behaviour in public anymore? These people disturb me on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

So where did I flee to on Valentine's Day to avoid thecoming of evil? I fled to the mountains. Literally.


Specifically,1120 metre above sea level on the tallest peak in Taiwan county. On the tallest mountain peak called Cising Mountain or Seven Stars Mountain. Hiking up the mountain top is no easy task and I lost count of the number of travellers which I saw giving up along the way up. Bunch of wuss. Many of them are Westerners. I don't get it. All these white folks looked like they are double my size, worked out in the gym, can bend a iron bar in half and should be able to bench press me easily. But all these Johnny Bravos couldn't climb a few steps without panting as if they just climbed Everest. Weak-ass. I kicked them off the mountain path just for blocking my way. Just kidding. Oh, and some views of the hiking trail:

(View at the top)

I also passed by some places which look suspiciously like Mordor from Lord of the Rings. Sulphur steam coming from the ground which gave the whole place a dark, foreboding look. All you need are some orcs and Gollum to complete the effect. The perfect place to be alone or if you are looking to discard a magic ring.

I met many strange people on the long trek up. I will always remember the strange mainland Chinese guy who kept following me from behind and kept muttering that I had nice shoes (Nike Air). Come to think of it, it was pretty creepy and he has the look of someone who had a previous commitment to a criminally insane facility (translation : nutty as a fruitcake). He also kept offering me a cigeratte while asking whether I carried any alcohol with me. What do I look like, 7-11? Do I look like I am carrying any Big Gulps or Mars bars with me? Go jump off the mountain already, you nutty creep. I was about to kick his ass off the mountain when he decided to give up at the halfway point and just sat there and sulked. Come to think of it, he reminded me of Gollum - "My precioussss shoessss . . . "

Then there is this middle-aged guy who at the peak, just stood there for like, hours and kept staring at the distance as if looking for something. He looked like (a) trying to spot a possible invasion from the People Liberation Army of China or (b) trying to look for signs of his wife so that he could avoid her by jumping off the mountain if necessary. Can't say I blame him.

(strange middle-age guy peering into the distance for any signs of great evil. Or just his wife)

The crazy thing was that when he saw me climbing up the peak, he gave me a knowing look as if he knew that I was trying to avoid the Valentine's Day Massacre. He nodded at me (I swear I am not exaggerating), beat his chest a few times LIKE A GORILLA in a manly declaration of defiance against evil and proceeded to stand at attention at his sentry position. Weirdest shit I have seen for a long time.

He was still standing there when I came down from the peak. I thought about kicking him off the mountain for creeping me out but you just got to respect any man who greet strangers by beating his chest like a gorilla.

More on strange things in Taiwan later.