11.5 days till the annual Valentine Day's Massacre - Oh No.

That's right. I called 14 Feb the annual Valentine Day's Massacre. Call it whatever you want but it is only 11.5 days away. It is the day where florists, candy makers and card companies (damn you, Hallmark) massacred the male consumers by milking their every cent and offered sub-standard products at heavily inflated prices. US$99 for three stalks of red roses and a teddy bear? Please, why don't all of you save the trouble and just ask us to hand over our wallets at knifepoint? Keep your freaking teddy bear - we will feel better this way. Not to mention the all-popular lovers' meal at Lawrys or Chinos which for the amazing price of US$120 get you a tiny piece of steak and two sad looking potatoes. There might also be a dumbass with a violin walking around trying to get your attention. The good thing about paying through your ass to get a window seat at Lawrys is that you get a damn good view of the Valentine Day Massacre happening on Orchard Road as boyfriends get set upon by florists and balloon sellers like wolves to bleating lambs.

The ladies also get to massacre the men's pride by forcing him to do strange things to prove his love by using a variety of pyschological weapons from plain nagging, emotional blackmail to one-way guilt trip. Make no mistake, it is a day when singles, especially men, get the mother of all financial and pyschological beat-downs. For one day and one night only, zombie-looking men walked the land.

I wanted to save this blog entry for Valentine Day itself. Then I realised that I would possibly be in Singapore itself for the annual Valentine Day's Massacre - potentially the most evil day in 2006 - so I decided to post something early before something unfortunate happens to me e.g. accidentially buying a withered tulip or sad looking sunflower or expensive sounding truffles and turning into a grumpy Obvious zombie.

Once I made the mistake of walking around in Orchard Road on Valentine's Day. Straight out of Orchard Road MRT station, it was like descending into hell with dim lights and screaming demons everywhere, poking me with hot irons. Okay, maybe I shouldn't call girls trying to sell me tulips, demons with hot irons. But under the poor lighting, they did look like the denizens of pain trying to suck money out of everyone outside Takashimaya. There were so many heart shapes things hanging on trees to frighten off single and unattached men. The effect was amplified by legions of dazed, zombie-looking boyfriends looking straight ahead, anguish and pain itched on their face. They trudged, mindlessly towards Cineleisure or Swensen, while pretending to listen to their yaking captors, hoping that the night would end. I couldn't save any of them, it was so sad.

Legions of zombies boyfriends on Orchard road trying to escape the annual Valentine Day Massacre but instead got herded to the nearest Swensen.

Disgruntled zombie boyfriends at overpriced restaurants looking for the management to voice their unhappiness over "Lovers' Meal" - which costs one month salary and turns out to be just a small piece of undercooked steak (all screenshots credit to "Road to Fiddler's Green" - a cracking Xbox game).

Which is why I am almost always bitter during February. The whole month blows. Journeying from CNY to Valentine Day is like a coffee bean jumping from the frying pan straight into the fire. Overcooked coffee bean always tastes bitter.

The road to massacre has begun. I will blog about it . . . if I survive to tell the tale.