Lantern Festival to fool the Jade Emperor

When the Taiwanese celebrate something, they certainly go all out. They don't just blockade a few roads, push out a few sad-looking floats and usher in tons of foreign performers to masquerade any lack in culture and history. No, the Taiwanese certainly go all the freaking mile. Every year, to celebrate the end of the Chinese New Year, beside just popping the usual Chinese tang-yuans (damn, I forgot to eat some in Singapore), they celebrate it with the Lantern Festival.

Singaporeans probably do not understand why the Taiwanese bring out the lanterns in February. In Singapore, kids only make a nuisance of themselves walking around with fugly lanterns at the Botanic gardens in August. By the way, I am not even sure whether kids do this anymore. Seems like we only remember the mooncakes part nowadays. Back in the old days, we walked around with lanterns with candles and proceeded to bash each other's lanterns up (like mountain goats ramming each other) and see whose lantern got burnt up first. So by the end of the night, there were a lot of crying kids walking around with burnt lanterns. None of these batteries BS.

So for the uninformed, let me briefly explain the Taiwanese origins of the Lantern Festival. It has nothing to do with a pretty lady flying to the moon and spending her time playing chess with a rabbit which must be quite confused at the turn of events. Apparently, our Emperor in Heaven (the King of Gods, if you will or what we call him, the Jade Emperor) was pretty mad at some poor townfolks who killed his goose by mistake. He decided to exact retribution by annihilating the town in a storm of fire. A good hearted fairy took pity on the town and told its people to light lanterns at night prior to the attack. The lited lanterns made it looked like the town was burning and fooled the Jade Emperor into thinking the town was already on fire, thus giving up the attack.

You know, this is why I am not a religious person. Am I the only one who thinks that it might not be a good idea to worship some god who, oh, I don't know, WANTED TO KILL THOUSANDS OF INNOCENTS TO AVENGE A GOOSE? Does anybody else think that, maybe, just maybe, that the old fart is JUST OVER-REACTING A BIT? Animal rights taken waaay too far. You are the Celestial Emperor, you can afford losing a few poultry, dumbass. Now I know why the Monkey God didn't see eye to eye with that old fart Jade Emperor and proceeded to eat up all his heavenly peaches and crapped all over the place. Emperor of Gods, my foot.

Some pics of the annual event at Chiang Kai-Shek monument which drew 50,000 people nightly over a one-week period. By the way, it was so cold that night that everyone was huddling like penguins. That is if penguins wear jackets and scarfs and took pictures with shaking fingers.

(Going into Chiang Kai-Shek Monument)

(dumbasses trying to guess lantern riddles. Give it up, you fools)

(They lined the colonnade with statutes of dogs. It is the Year of the Dog afterall)

(The centerpiece of the annual event. A gigantic float that tells a story of a dog which helped a boy find his parents. Corny like hell. You know, in the West, typical dog names are "Rover" and "Lassie"? Guess what is the typical name for dogs in the East? Yep, "Wang Wang". Stupid.)



(The girl in the foreground is quite pretty. Pic didn't do her justice. No other reason why I put up the pic.)