Apocalypto

The movie pirates in Indochina are especially effective in 2007. I bought Apocalypto even though the movie is only currently showing in Singapore.

(Poster taken off Wiki of course)

One thing you may already know about the movie. It is directed by Mel Gibson. You may remember Mel Gibson as the beloved psycho cop in the Lethal Weapons series or the wild-haired Scottish idiot in Braveheart. He is also the guy who got drunk and said anti-semitic things about the Jews which caused a furore in Hollywood. Nowadays, if you get drunk and do something unspeakable; like strip and run around naked or have sex with your pet, you are allowed the following cast-iron legal defence:

Judge: So, why are you trying to have sex with Bus 97 again?

Drunk: “Your Honor, I have a Mel Gibson Moment. I know not what I am doing.”

Mel Gibson is also the director of the “Passion of Christ” which I must say, is one of the shittiest movie ever made in 2005 despite rave reviews from everyone. I wonder what they were watching. I know of some Christians who cried buckets and reaffirmed their faith while watching the Passion of Christ. I can’t really understand why. The whole “He died to carry your sins” line doesn’t work with me since, let’s be frank, it makes zero logic.

So I approached Apocalypto with a great deal of trepidation. I had no choice. It was between Apocalypto or some shit movie called Alastre which looks like a badly made Spanish porn movie. So I grabbed the Apocalypto, put it in the DVD player and prayed that the movie was watchable. By watchable, I mean not puking over the keyboard or trying to scratch my eyes out.

The movie was AWESOME. It was way cool. I would go as far as to say that it will be an early contender for an Oscar.

There is historical intrigue, suspense, gore (lots), blood (by the buckets) and heroic chases though the Mayan jungle. There are no babes in the movie (which sort of suck) unless you are the kind who get turned on by those naked tribal women which you always see on Discovery Channel. In which case, you need some serious porn to set you straight.

(Pic taken off Wiki, as usual)

The story is quite simple. Just a straight forward retelling of the life of a simple Mayan native whose life changed one day when raiders working for the government torched his village and captured everyone for a nefarious and sinister objective – aka lopping people’s heads off for sacrifical ceremonies. You get to see the Mayan civilisation (250 – 900 AD) in Central America in all its intricacies. People hunting in the forests, their clothes (lack of it), soaring temples and Mayan way of life. By the way, one of the greatest mistery in history is why the Mayan civilisation collapsed suddenly overnight. Natural disaster, alien invasion, sudden outbreak of contagious dumbassness? Maybe. There is nothing to dislike about the movie and my hat off to MG for actually making a good movie, in between not getting drunk and trying to hump Bus No. 97.