The Fountain is a big, wet dose of Supersuck

I watched The Fountain. By the way, if you are watching The Fountain on DVD, your best friend in the whole world would be your DVD remote control. Why, I hear you ask.

Because, you can press the forward button and skip the entire fucking psychobabble bullsit, that's why! Better still, press the STOP button now. And trust me, there is more bullshit here than if a hundred cows suddenly appear in your living room and proceed to shit all over your carpet.

The whole movie is sucktastic! I know I am inventing words but this movie require new words outside the English lexicon to do its suckiness justice. Somewhere in this movie is a story. Well, kind of. Actually, sort of. No, really, it is around here somehere. Ha ha, just kidding. What story?

I am not going to waste any more of my time talking about this tripe of a movie. Essentially, this is supposed to be some love story spanning thousands of years. Which may seem romantic to girls who go teary and wet but is essentially a death sentence for guys (I bought the movie thinking that it was going to be some horror action movie with great battle scenes. Silly me.). The movie keeps jumping from the 15th century to the present to two thousands years in the future. E.g. Thomas in the 15th century decided to look for the Tree of Life in South America. He got killed. Then the movie jumped forward two thousands years into the future when he became a Buddha meditating and doing Tai-ji in void. Yeah, you read that, right.

We then jumped back to the present times when he was a doctor trying to find a cure for cancer. Back and forth and forward again. And then back again. It would be nice if the storyline was coherent but it wasn't. There were gaps in the plot everywhere and viewers were expected (can you feel my eyes rolling?) to "draw their own conclusions". Yeah, right. My conclusion is that the movie is arty-farty and it sucks.

There are some subplots along the way. Like the bastard keeps losing the ring and the Buddha keeps eating bark off the tree. I am not sure why these are relevant. At the end of the movie, I felt so disoriented that I don't even know the movie had ended! I only realised that the whole shit has ended (mercifully) when they started rolling out the credits.

I surfed the internet just to check out what other movie-watchers say about the movie. As usual, all the pussies were praising The Fountain for being ground-breaking and beautiful. Some people have the balls to compare it to Space Odyssey 2001. Some of the praises heaped on the Fountain are as below:

How couldn't they be touched the same way as I was? How come they couldn't feel what me and some more people felt after that? (Because we are not pussies).

I just felt spent, moved , and incredibly eager to engage in discussion. (Discuss what? Most of us had fallen asleep.)

GO SEE THIS MOVIE! (NO.)

Don't listen to all the love and praises. See this movie at your peril. Get some aspirins ready, for I guaran - damn - teed that you will get disoriented at the incoherent bullshit.