The Island - a two-hour shameless commercial

Movie Title : The Island
Movie Tag Line : "Plan Your Escape"
Actors : Ewan McGregor as Lincoln Six Echo (L6E)
Scarlett Johansson as Jordan Two Delta (J2D)

Normally before you watch a movie, you have to sit through 20 minutes of bullshit commericals from the likes of Coke, Calvin Klein, Johnny Walker, Tiger Beer, Carlsberg, Heineken, Hugo Boss and hell, maybe even Wendy's Burgers or Louis Vuitton (horror of horrors). This is not including companies such as THX blaring messages such as "The Audience is Listening" as if the audience doesn't know that. Wow, I am here to listen, thanks THX! Idiots.




Yeah, the above logo. You know how it goes, the lights dim, the screen lights up, a robot flies round the screen and tries to repair the T (or is it the H). Earthshaking vibrating sound ensues. The phrase "The audience is listening" appears and you think ooooh, you are in for an aural, as well as visual, experience. Way to go, THX! Which is actually bullshit since there is no difference in the visual and aural experience in watching the movie either at crowded Lido or deserted Empress in Clementi. So stop bluffing lah. "Different movie sound format" my foot.

Digression over. The commercials prior to the movie move so seamlessly into the movie itself that I didn't even know that the movie has begun. I though James Bond movies are bad but the number of sponsors which paid for an advertising space in this movie will make 007 drown his embarrassement in his dry martini. It is like an ode to consumerism. Just count them:

Nokia : Mcgregor made phonecalls with Nokia handphones. No Samsung in sight of course.
MSN : Both clones tried to look for their sponsors in a MSN phone booth.
Xbox : Both clones played a 2019 version of Virtual Fighters (which blows in real life btw and still look shit in the movie) on a futuristic Xbox simulated machine
Cadillac : Enough said.
Ben and Jerry and Mastercard

You know you are in trouble when the movie actually featured a real life commercial involving Scarlett Johansson as a Calvin Klein model. (You know, that part when Jordan Two Delta looked in amazement at a Calvin Klein commercial in LA City? That is actually a real commercial, people). The shamelessness of some people. Think about it, you pay money to watch a movie and actually has to sit through a real CK commercial midway through the show. Wow, if i wanted that, I would have stay home and watch TV. At least I could go make a cup of Ovaltine during the commerical. Bastards. The movie brainwashed me enough to make me go call my parents with my Nokia phone, surf the net with MSN, buy Ben and Jerry ice cream with my VISA (Mastercard still sucks!) and trade in my Playstation for an Xbox 360. No wait, even a brainwashed dumbass will not get a Xbox 360, potentially the worse gaming platform since Sega Saturn (curse you, Sega!). If you get one, congratulations, the number of games you could play could be counted on one hand. Not even Pac Man or Mario Brothers wants to be associated with high class platform rubbish.

As much as I like to diss other people and movies, I have got to admit that shameless advertising aside, the movie is pretty decent and throws up a pretty intellectual message to muse about. If we could clone ourselves, would we do it to harvest organs, skins and maybe even made the clone deliver babies for us (wow, talk about pure laziness on modern women's part. A new low.)? You know it, Captain Obvious know it. The answer is a resounding yes. Given that the director, the much maligned Michael Bay, is more famous for no brainer classics such as Armageddon, Pearl Harbour and the Rock, I am surprised that he could throw out such an intellectual bone for us to chew on. Years from now when the cloning debate reaches a crescendo, opponents of cloning will surely use this movie as an example of the evils of cloning. Not that it will do much good, of course, since you could never stop man's ambition to live however. Four million for a clone? I think many people out there could afford it.

That said, the movie tapers off immediately after the 45 minute mark when Lincoln Six Echo (L6E) discovers that there is no Island and they are clones to be killed and harvested. It is basically one big car chase with miraclous escapes from one situation to the next (the helicopter scene is a rip off from Matrix, I swear). The two clones run from everybody, police, mercernaries and hell, even themselves. Now, Captain Obvious, being a shallow guy, doesn't mind that since I watches anything with Scarlet Johansson. Watching J2D running around made my day. But be warned, the plot of the movie has holes so big that Titanic could sail through. Some parts of the movie are just ridiculous. Why did L6E retain his sponsor's memories? Err "human curiousity" explained the movie. How about human stupidity in making this half assed movie in the first place? Aargh.