Things everyone hear once in their life and wants to kill the speaker with a fork - Part II
I had dinner with a couple of ladies a few weeks ago. The ladies were single, plump and in their forties. When I say plump, I mean fat. It wasn't a pleasant dinner because it was actually work for me. Anything that takes me away from my playstation and involves me eating dinner with fat ladies, trust me, we could safely classify it as work. Backbreaking coolie work, no less.
Still, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if the ladies were nice. Sure, they were not exactly Fann Wong level of eye-candy but if these bunch of old hog ladies are good conversationalist and nice people, the evening wouldn't be a total write-off. These ladies had the reputation to be very, intelligent, successful and each of them has an awesome career that clearly dwarfs mine. If we are playing Warcraft, I will be the peasant which is always sent to mine gold and build toilets while these ladies are the powerful elves and witches which can cast lightning and summon . . err. . other peasants. Pardon the nerdspeak.
So I opened the dinner conversation with a one liner towards one of the woman," You look quite nice tonight." It was 100% lie of course since we all know fat women don't look nice in anything. CO is mean? Of course, but that doesn't mean it is not true.
So what do you normally do when a guy compliment that you look nice? Most women will just mumble "thank you" or a more enthusiastic "really? thanks!" or the sweet ones will say "you look really good too!" Of course, most women probably know that the men are just making polite dinner conversation aka a white lie, and just go along with it. The men are trying to break the ice. Work with them.
But of course some bitches will turn their nose up at you, give a smirk and smartly reply with the following Things Everyone Hears Once in Their Life and Wants Kill the Speaker with a Fork (TEHOTLWKSF) (copyrighted) one liner:
"So you are saying that I only look good tonight? But not other nights?"
Hey, you know what, bitch? This is why you are still single in your 40's despite spending the last 2 decades desperately looking for a husband all over the world. Stop whining that your well-paid job takes up too much of your time, Singaporean men are not good/smart/sensitive enough for you and it is hard to settle down in Singapore. You are single and fat, and will die lonely and morbidly obese, because of one reason and just one reason only:
YOU ARE A FAT, NASTY BITCH.
I met so many Singaporean women in their 40s bitching about their inability to get a husband and settle down. They blame their jobs, Singaporean men and society. Of course, these are just smokescreens. The real problem is they themselves and they know it. They can't get married simply because everyone can sense her natural arrogance, bitchiness and skankiness radiating 10 feet from her spores - sort of like a circle of evil. Plants die in the wake of her royal bitchiness' footsteps. Even if some fat bitches can disguise it (and some women in their 40's can really disguise it until they look like demure, successful women), the minute they say "Are you saying I don't look good on other days?" is a dead giveaway and exposes their awesome nastiness. It is like Gotham City illuminating the night sky with the Bat sign looking for Batman. No one can miss the Bitch's sign.
A woman's mind is a nasty piece of work. Let me give an example:
Woman : You look nice today.
Man (mind) : She is complimenting you. Say something nice back, stupid.
Man (mouth): Thanks. You look great too.
Now let's reverse the roles . . . . .
Man : You look nice today.
Woman (mind) : Is he hitting on me? Who does he think he is? Does he mean I only look good today? Is he saying that I look fat almost everyday? Even if he is sincere in his compliment, he is beneath me. He is a peasant, poor like a church mice and looks like he just got out of bed. What does he know about fashion and looks? On what basis? He can't even tell a white lie effectively. There is an English logic flaw in his statement. He should say something to the effect that I am stunning and look good every minute of my life.
Woman (conscience) : Hmm . . . I am in my mid 40's and fat.I am so fat that the weighing machine asked the washing machine for help when I park my fat ass on to be weighed. I couldn't get a man to be interested in me for the last two decades since the MRT is built. Maybe I should be a little nicer?
Woman (mind) : Shut up, conscience. I am woman, hear me roar!!
Woman (mouth) : So you mean I only look good tonight and not other nights?
I was gripping my fork tightly for the whole dinner. Death to fat, nasty bitches.
Still, I thought it wouldn't be so bad if the ladies were nice. Sure, they were not exactly Fann Wong level of eye-candy but if these bunch of old hog ladies are good conversationalist and nice people, the evening wouldn't be a total write-off. These ladies had the reputation to be very, intelligent, successful and each of them has an awesome career that clearly dwarfs mine. If we are playing Warcraft, I will be the peasant which is always sent to mine gold and build toilets while these ladies are the powerful elves and witches which can cast lightning and summon . . err. . other peasants. Pardon the nerdspeak.
So I opened the dinner conversation with a one liner towards one of the woman," You look quite nice tonight." It was 100% lie of course since we all know fat women don't look nice in anything. CO is mean? Of course, but that doesn't mean it is not true.
So what do you normally do when a guy compliment that you look nice? Most women will just mumble "thank you" or a more enthusiastic "really? thanks!" or the sweet ones will say "you look really good too!" Of course, most women probably know that the men are just making polite dinner conversation aka a white lie, and just go along with it. The men are trying to break the ice. Work with them.
But of course some bitches will turn their nose up at you, give a smirk and smartly reply with the following Things Everyone Hears Once in Their Life and Wants Kill the Speaker with a Fork (TEHOTLWKSF) (copyrighted) one liner:
"So you are saying that I only look good tonight? But not other nights?"
Hey, you know what, bitch? This is why you are still single in your 40's despite spending the last 2 decades desperately looking for a husband all over the world. Stop whining that your well-paid job takes up too much of your time, Singaporean men are not good/smart/sensitive enough for you and it is hard to settle down in Singapore. You are single and fat, and will die lonely and morbidly obese, because of one reason and just one reason only:
YOU ARE A FAT, NASTY BITCH.
I met so many Singaporean women in their 40s bitching about their inability to get a husband and settle down. They blame their jobs, Singaporean men and society. Of course, these are just smokescreens. The real problem is they themselves and they know it. They can't get married simply because everyone can sense her natural arrogance, bitchiness and skankiness radiating 10 feet from her spores - sort of like a circle of evil. Plants die in the wake of her royal bitchiness' footsteps. Even if some fat bitches can disguise it (and some women in their 40's can really disguise it until they look like demure, successful women), the minute they say "Are you saying I don't look good on other days?" is a dead giveaway and exposes their awesome nastiness. It is like Gotham City illuminating the night sky with the Bat sign looking for Batman. No one can miss the Bitch's sign.
A woman's mind is a nasty piece of work. Let me give an example:
Woman : You look nice today.
Man (mind) : She is complimenting you. Say something nice back, stupid.
Man (mouth): Thanks. You look great too.
Now let's reverse the roles . . . . .
Man : You look nice today.
Woman (mind) : Is he hitting on me? Who does he think he is? Does he mean I only look good today? Is he saying that I look fat almost everyday? Even if he is sincere in his compliment, he is beneath me. He is a peasant, poor like a church mice and looks like he just got out of bed. What does he know about fashion and looks? On what basis? He can't even tell a white lie effectively. There is an English logic flaw in his statement. He should say something to the effect that I am stunning and look good every minute of my life.
Woman (conscience) : Hmm . . . I am in my mid 40's and fat.I am so fat that the weighing machine asked the washing machine for help when I park my fat ass on to be weighed. I couldn't get a man to be interested in me for the last two decades since the MRT is built. Maybe I should be a little nicer?
Woman (mind) : Shut up, conscience. I am woman, hear me roar!!
Woman (mouth) : So you mean I only look good tonight and not other nights?
I was gripping my fork tightly for the whole dinner. Death to fat, nasty bitches.
posted by Captain Obvious at 6:15 PM
2 Comments:
Compliments for single, desperate and fat, sorrie I meant plump woman are rare.
So rare that they were unable to react appropriately.
I bet after that compliment, you'll see these woman in that same outfit every other day.
It is a wonder that some people could be so smart and successful in their work and yet, are completely lacking in basic courtesy, manners as well as simple people-to-people skills. Whatever happen to saying thanks because someone pays you a compliment?
I hope I don't become like those nasty bitches when I am older. If someone says I am handsome, I will be over the moon.
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