TEHOITLWTKTSWAF - May Edition
Yet another edition of "Things everyone hears once in their life and wishes to kill the speaker with a fork".
One of my staff quit so I was interviewing job applicants for the post. While looking through their CVs and thinking about what possible questions I should ask them, I recalled my own job interview process years back. Applying for jobs and going for job interview is always a daunting prospect, make worse by all those scare-tactics from our so-called seniors who frankly, are dispensers of useless advice. You know, you drop a coin into the machine and the dispenser gives you crap advice like:
"Must make sure your application form is put in the envelope the right side up, so that the interviewer sees your photo immediately when he takes out your application."
"When interviewers ask for your weakness, must always phrase your answer in such a way that it comes out as strengths instead. E.g. say you can be too hard-working." (snigger)
Like I said, as useless as an aneroxic model in a pie-eating contest.
People also wanted me to prepare for THE QUESTION which all interviewers seem to enjoy asking. Not whether have I eaten or have I seen any good movies lately, but:
"WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING IN THE ORGANISATION IN 5 OR 10 YEARS TIME?"
I don't know about you but this is like one of the stupidest questions you could ask the job applicant. Seriously, what would you expect the job applicant to say? Most job applicants will lie to you anyway, using stock answer (found in self-help books) like below:
"I expect to have become a valuable worker in your organisation, able to function as a team player as well as independently. I hope to have learn a lot on the job by then so that I could value-add to the organisation's business. Together, we can work towards a better future."
MUWAHAHAHAA. Mirrors can crack, ok? Think I stupid, ar? Come to think of it, anyone who can tell the above lie with a straight face deserves to get the job for being impervious to shame. If you dare to tell the above lie, there is nothing else you wouldn't do. Sell your mother for profit? Sounds good. Blow job for your bosses? Pass the tissue. Kill your competitor to rise to the top? Sure, by the way, would you mind lean closer to the open window so that I could tip you over?
Job interviewers really shouldn't ask this question because they are forcing the applicants to lie. They can't jolly well tell the truth as below:
"I expect to be dead since I smoke like a chimney and have sex with strange women every night. What's your number?"
"I expect to be your boss, man-bitch!"
"I expect to use the experience I got here in this company to job-hop to a better company which can afford better coffee than this shit you are serving me and more importantly, pays me more. Suckers!"
"None of your business, asshole!"
"How the fuck would I know?"
"You sure your cheap, 20 cents company could last 5 years?"
"Hey, that's an interesting question. Here's another one. What do you think will happen to you in the next 5 seconds?"
Seriously, don't ask questions which force the other party to lie. Unless the whole point is to hire liars, like for your law firm.
One of my staff quit so I was interviewing job applicants for the post. While looking through their CVs and thinking about what possible questions I should ask them, I recalled my own job interview process years back. Applying for jobs and going for job interview is always a daunting prospect, make worse by all those scare-tactics from our so-called seniors who frankly, are dispensers of useless advice. You know, you drop a coin into the machine and the dispenser gives you crap advice like:
"Must make sure your application form is put in the envelope the right side up, so that the interviewer sees your photo immediately when he takes out your application."
"When interviewers ask for your weakness, must always phrase your answer in such a way that it comes out as strengths instead. E.g. say you can be too hard-working." (snigger)
Like I said, as useless as an aneroxic model in a pie-eating contest.
People also wanted me to prepare for THE QUESTION which all interviewers seem to enjoy asking. Not whether have I eaten or have I seen any good movies lately, but:
"WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING IN THE ORGANISATION IN 5 OR 10 YEARS TIME?"
I don't know about you but this is like one of the stupidest questions you could ask the job applicant. Seriously, what would you expect the job applicant to say? Most job applicants will lie to you anyway, using stock answer (found in self-help books) like below:
"I expect to have become a valuable worker in your organisation, able to function as a team player as well as independently. I hope to have learn a lot on the job by then so that I could value-add to the organisation's business. Together, we can work towards a better future."
MUWAHAHAHAA. Mirrors can crack, ok? Think I stupid, ar? Come to think of it, anyone who can tell the above lie with a straight face deserves to get the job for being impervious to shame. If you dare to tell the above lie, there is nothing else you wouldn't do. Sell your mother for profit? Sounds good. Blow job for your bosses? Pass the tissue. Kill your competitor to rise to the top? Sure, by the way, would you mind lean closer to the open window so that I could tip you over?
Job interviewers really shouldn't ask this question because they are forcing the applicants to lie. They can't jolly well tell the truth as below:
"I expect to be dead since I smoke like a chimney and have sex with strange women every night. What's your number?"
"I expect to be your boss, man-bitch!"
"I expect to use the experience I got here in this company to job-hop to a better company which can afford better coffee than this shit you are serving me and more importantly, pays me more. Suckers!"
"None of your business, asshole!"
"How the fuck would I know?"
"You sure your cheap, 20 cents company could last 5 years?"
"Hey, that's an interesting question. Here's another one. What do you think will happen to you in the next 5 seconds?"
Seriously, don't ask questions which force the other party to lie. Unless the whole point is to hire liars, like for your law firm.
posted by Captain Obvious at 10:57 PM
5 Comments:
Hey, know of someone who answered:
" I'll be in your position 5 years from now."
and he got the job.
That's like one of the most brave and honest answer I ever heard. No wonder he got the job.
From Sin to UT, 09/06 Flight TR 162: Depart at 6.45 and arrive at 8.30
Frm UT to SIN, 12/06 Fligt TR 163: Deaprt UT at 9.00 and arrive at 12.45.
Tiger airways.
Ok. I will send my driver to UT airport for you. He will carry a placard with your name on it. He will also give you the Lao immigration form for you to fill in when you are in the car.
One thing though. I will probably be at the golf course on Sat morning. The driver and yourself will have to stop at the golf course first to pick me up before going to my house together.
Okie.
Thanks!
I'll look out for my name. Could you give me your car plate no?
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