Dragon Dynasty
I regularly submit movie review for movies (especially B-grade crappy ones) on IMDB so that people can heed my warnings and avoid watching movies which could scar viewers for life. For some reason, my review for Dragon Dynasty is mysteriously rejected again and again so heck, I am posting this here instead.
I am supposed to sleep early last night but as I got up from the sofa to switch off the TV, I noticed that HBO is showing some movie called Dragon Dynasty. Being a sucker for any movie involving dragons and warriors being burnt to a crisp fighting them, I of course parked my ass down on the sofa again and watched the movie past 1 am.
You will notice that the movie is a Sci-Fi Channel original movie. Most times it means that the movie has a low-budget and is crappy. Think Skeleton Man and SS Doomtrooper. Dragon Dynasty is no different in terms of budget and crappy acting but I will say that the movie is surprisingly . . . decent.
First the bad news.
The plot is as wonky as a drunk fat man on vodka. It is about Marco (Polo?) and his brother Giovanni running helter-skelter back home to some place in Spain or Italy while being chased by two bad-ass dragons from China. So far, so good. However, somewhere in the movie, the director decided to add cultural and gender diversity into the movie by throwing in a token Chinese actor (typical American Chinese who actually can't speak Chinese) and a female actor to be the love interest of Marco. The female lead Ava, also pissed me off no end since she was a feminist, refused any genuine help from the guys and was stuck-up like hell. I would have happily push her feminist ass in front of the dragons in order to save my own skin. The dragons would also think twice about eating her since they may get a tummyache from all the bitching. The dialogue is crappy as everyone tries to talk with a stiff upper lip while pretending to be medieval explorers. They all end up talking like dumbasses of course.
The token Chinese actor, whose only job is to walk around like a white man's bitch and mispronounce every Chinese word (he pronounces "Huo Yao"(gunpowder) as Hu Yao), is a disgrace to all Chinese actors in Hollywood since Jackie Chan's role in Cannonball Run II (1984). Ooh wait, is the actor even Chinese? It turns out that his name is Dion Basco and he is of Filippino descent. I don't understand Hollywood. They hired Filippino actors to act Chinese even though he can't speak Chinese. He can't even do kungfu kicks right. Why don't they hire Chinese actors straight? Don't tell me that the director couldn't find one English-speaking Chinese actor in the entire Los Angeles? Worse come to worse, they should hire me instead. I speak English and Chinese perfectly, with a good sprinkling of Thai and Lao thrown in.
Marco : CO, go make me some tiny arrows with Huo Yao (gunpowder) so that we can fight fire with fire against the two big-ass dragons who can destroy a village in one breath!
CO : Ni mei you si guo ah? (You never die before is it?)
Well, the good news is that for a crappy, low budget movie, the CGI of the dragons are cool. There is one memorable scene in which the dragons attacked the galleon at sea in the moonlight. It was brilliant as Marco heard the shrieks of the dragons and looked up to see their shadows in the moon-lit sky. The dragons then dove through the night clouds and proceeded to unleash jets of fire on the galleon at sea. There was one spectacular shot underwater (beneath the galleon) which showed a dragon flaming the ship.
All in all, the movie was decent simply because the dragons were cool-looking and the battle scenes were ok. If you need to know, Marco finally defeated the dragons using a portable cannon with Chinese gunpowder technology invented by the Chinese slave (Filippino descent of course). Yeah, that's right. Marco actually used it like a LAW rocket launcher which had me laughing at the sheer absurdity of it. The dragon was also pretty shocked at the ending I think. I think he never thought that he would be facing Terminator with rocket launchers. The last thing in the dragon's mind before he took a cannonball in his chest must be "Where the fuck did that come from?". A fun movie if you could ignore some absurdities.
I am supposed to sleep early last night but as I got up from the sofa to switch off the TV, I noticed that HBO is showing some movie called Dragon Dynasty. Being a sucker for any movie involving dragons and warriors being burnt to a crisp fighting them, I of course parked my ass down on the sofa again and watched the movie past 1 am.
You will notice that the movie is a Sci-Fi Channel original movie. Most times it means that the movie has a low-budget and is crappy. Think Skeleton Man and SS Doomtrooper. Dragon Dynasty is no different in terms of budget and crappy acting but I will say that the movie is surprisingly . . . decent.
First the bad news.
The plot is as wonky as a drunk fat man on vodka. It is about Marco (Polo?) and his brother Giovanni running helter-skelter back home to some place in Spain or Italy while being chased by two bad-ass dragons from China. So far, so good. However, somewhere in the movie, the director decided to add cultural and gender diversity into the movie by throwing in a token Chinese actor (typical American Chinese who actually can't speak Chinese) and a female actor to be the love interest of Marco. The female lead Ava, also pissed me off no end since she was a feminist, refused any genuine help from the guys and was stuck-up like hell. I would have happily push her feminist ass in front of the dragons in order to save my own skin. The dragons would also think twice about eating her since they may get a tummyache from all the bitching. The dialogue is crappy as everyone tries to talk with a stiff upper lip while pretending to be medieval explorers. They all end up talking like dumbasses of course.
The token Chinese actor, whose only job is to walk around like a white man's bitch and mispronounce every Chinese word (he pronounces "Huo Yao"(gunpowder) as Hu Yao), is a disgrace to all Chinese actors in Hollywood since Jackie Chan's role in Cannonball Run II (1984). Ooh wait, is the actor even Chinese? It turns out that his name is Dion Basco and he is of Filippino descent. I don't understand Hollywood. They hired Filippino actors to act Chinese even though he can't speak Chinese. He can't even do kungfu kicks right. Why don't they hire Chinese actors straight? Don't tell me that the director couldn't find one English-speaking Chinese actor in the entire Los Angeles? Worse come to worse, they should hire me instead. I speak English and Chinese perfectly, with a good sprinkling of Thai and Lao thrown in.
Marco : CO, go make me some tiny arrows with Huo Yao (gunpowder) so that we can fight fire with fire against the two big-ass dragons who can destroy a village in one breath!
CO : Ni mei you si guo ah? (You never die before is it?)
Well, the good news is that for a crappy, low budget movie, the CGI of the dragons are cool. There is one memorable scene in which the dragons attacked the galleon at sea in the moonlight. It was brilliant as Marco heard the shrieks of the dragons and looked up to see their shadows in the moon-lit sky. The dragons then dove through the night clouds and proceeded to unleash jets of fire on the galleon at sea. There was one spectacular shot underwater (beneath the galleon) which showed a dragon flaming the ship.
All in all, the movie was decent simply because the dragons were cool-looking and the battle scenes were ok. If you need to know, Marco finally defeated the dragons using a portable cannon with Chinese gunpowder technology invented by the Chinese slave (Filippino descent of course). Yeah, that's right. Marco actually used it like a LAW rocket launcher which had me laughing at the sheer absurdity of it. The dragon was also pretty shocked at the ending I think. I think he never thought that he would be facing Terminator with rocket launchers. The last thing in the dragon's mind before he took a cannonball in his chest must be "Where the fuck did that come from?". A fun movie if you could ignore some absurdities.
posted by Captain Obvious at 11:56 PM
5 Comments:
Ok, nothing related to your dragon show.
Someone called me up with regards to your alternative housing when you get back. She will be keeping a look out for you but needed details like budget and stuff.
I plucked some figures out of no where and gave them to her. She said she will email. She isn't an agent but a home caller from the website that I got my info.
Now, your dragon show.
Moral of your entry: Sleep early.
Amazing. My friends told me to not buy property for the time being since the government just announced the release of land to meet the red hot demand. Besides, 500-750,000 for an unit in West Coast is quite mad.
The land release? That is just a few days ago. Can wait and see.
500K to 750K is considered quite ok.
Imagine a friend rented an entire HDB flat for 1800 per month at clementi. This used to be a condo rental 5 years ago.
Another friend was forced to vacant her Bt Batok condo cause her landlord has increased her rental from 1800 to 3600.
The market is so hot that it is boiling... maybe in a year's time, it will dry up.
Friend of mine said that when things are hot, leave it alone and not touch. Just unlucky I should be coming home during this period and need a place to stay. 500 to 750 k for someplace in the ulu and desolated West is insane.
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