LV Bag and Scale of Beauty/Ugliness

Foreword : This bag is cursed because I tried to write this entry three times and blogspot always ended up losing the entry.

I was innocently surfing the internet when I decided to take a look at what the latest LV bag fashion is. Contrary to popular opinion, Gucci and Prada are not paying me money to take potshots at LV (although they should). Thus I don't have much time to follow LV fashion trend nor have the energy to scrutinise each new bag's design. Usually, LV bags just fall under the categories of (a) plain looking but hideously overpriced; (b)ugly and hideously overpriced and (c) "what the hell is that?" and hideously overpriced. I usually take one look at a bag, wonder who will be buy this stuff and move on. Seldom do I feel the need to devote time and energy to specially diss a bag unless it is exceptionally bad like the LV Golf Bag which simply defiles normal human conventions for decency.

But I got to say, LV's latest designs have recently gone from awful to gut wrenching. I felt sad actually. Usually I need to think of something witty to criticise the bags. Now, I don't even need to try to thing of something bad to say. Take a look at the hairest bag in the world:

Who design this rubbish? Apparently it could be found in LV shops in Berlin, Germany. My first impression is that (a) Germans have a strange sense of humour (and dress sense) and (b) either Captain Caveman or Shaggy from the Scooby Doo Gang uses it (always suspects Shaggy is gay) since both man are so scruffy and eh . . hairy. The bag is decorated with colourful frills each ending with a bead of unknown material. You also have the entire galaxy of standard LV charms such as LV letterings and four-leaf gold clover, the later to ward off Irish leprechauns.

After your eyes have recovered from the pain and sense of displacement caused by staring at this colourful glare equivalent of a galaxy explosion of stars, it is time to assess its beauty (or sheer out ugliness). I know it is difficult for everyone to get our throbbing heads to settle down and give a substantive beauty grade to this rubbish. So I have come up with a beauty/ugliness benchmark to help everybody along:

CO's SCALE FOR BEAUTY/UGLINESS (1 being the most beautiful to 10 being the most ugly)

1 Kelly Hu (X-Men outfit)

If you don't know who is Kelly Hu, take a step back and examine your life. Miss Teen USA and Miss Hawaii USA. She was Chen Pei Pei in Martial Law (remember the 1997 cop series with Samo Hung) and the drop-dead seer in Scorpion King. She does the voice of a jedi in Stars Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. But most importantly, she is Lady Deathstrike in X-Men 2 who fought Wolverine. She is smoking hot. If you still don't know her, pls leave this blog now.

2 Kelly Hu (Scorpion King)

Looking mysterious is still Kelly Hu at no. 2 with her hot seer gear in Scorpion King. She is looking slight miffed though but then again, if you are acting with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who has the same level of acting skills as a err . . . rock, you will be miffed too. Love the head-dress.

3 Fiona Xie

I can't find a better picture of her. It was a toss up between Dawn Yeo and Fiona Xie. But I just think that Miss Xie is just smarter. I also didn't hear any religious and political bitching from Miss Xie so that itself is a great plus. I heard that she is the only thing worth watching now on TCS since wrinkles appear on Fann Wong's face.

4

Grace Park (Golfer)

Occasionally, a lady came upon the male-dominated sports scene and blew men away. I don't mean the Williams sisters with their bulging biceps and gorilla stance. I mean, ladies like Grace Park. Look at that swing. Grace and precision. A thing of beauty. I also tried her style at the golf course - doesn't work. Sigh.

5

Glorious victory in Rome Total War

It is a minor thing of beauty indeed to see my soldiers of Scipii finally unifying Rome by beating the Juili to pulp. Long live Roman Maximus!

6 Charlize Theron in Monster

I don't mean ugly like Charlize Theron on the left (Aeon Flux) but on the right. Beginning our countdown to ugliness is Charlize Theron in Monster - coming in at No. 6. It is an awesome display of makeup and dedicated acting that Charlize Theron could become the ugly monster that she is. Props to Theron.

7 Cross-dressing evil bartender from Shrek 2

At No.7, we descend deeper into the ugliness of man or in this case woman. Or whatever. Men who dressed as woman are automatically labelled as UGLY. When I saw the evil bartender from Shrek 2, I thought Disney had went porn. Ouch.

8 Da Dumbass Critics

The minute anybody starts opening their mouth and spewing religious, self-righteousness BS which nobody cares, they nominate themselves at No. 8 aka ugliness befitting of a dumbass. It does matter how physically pretty you are. It just turns guys off and make our knuckles itch.

9 Spongebob Squarepants

Ugly piece of spongy, sexually-ambigious dish washing equipment. The hideousness of this creation is only heightened by the fact that it was created for children. Look at him. Bucktooth, pock marks, and squarepants.

10 Sadako from the Ring

In case you have not been wathing horror movies, Sadako is probably the one female out there that frightens the living daylights out of 9 every 10 grown men. The other one is already dead on his feet. I recalled watching The Ring in the theatre. Suffice to say, the female audience in the theatre has no chance in hell of keeping quiet once Sadako decided to crawl out of her well and out of your TV. Most girls even started screaming when Sadako haven't begun to climb out of the well yet. Men might pretend to be strong and joke about Sadako, but that is because it is broad daylight. Turn off the lights, close the door and play the video for the guy to watch at 2 am and we will see who is tough shit. Sadako, with her bloodshot eye who can kills and long hair takes ugliness to No.10.

25 LV Bag from Berlin

Congratulations LV. This one is above the normal scale.