New York

Just got an email telling me that I am going to New York from late September to December.

So that's that then. Shack burgers here I come.

English words

I like the word "gargantuan".

I recalled watching Kill Bill 2 and the assassin Elle Driver was telling the dying and poisoned Budd the following memorable line:

"The amount of venom that can be delivered from a single bite can be gargantuan. You know, I've always liked that word...”gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence."

The above line has been sticking in my mind for the longest time. Because it is true. There are some English words that always sound so classy or special. Like they are too good for the normal English lexicon.

For example, "I waited at the bus stop and spent a fruitless hour waiting for the bus. By the time it arrived, I was hot, frustrated and was tempted to hang myself to end the suffering."

The sentence above was quite normal. It did not really excite you really because the words are too plain. "frustrated", "hot" and "fruitless" are everyday words. But there are words which one could substitute to make the sentence more exciting; words always sound nice to me.

"The scorching sun beat mercilessly down on the bus-stop, bathing hapless commuters in its unrelenting heat. Minutes seemed to inch at a snail's pace as I craned my neck to look in increasing despondency into the distance, hoping beyond hope to see a vision of the bus. And when the bus finally arrived an hour later, the bus driver found himself facing a sweat-drenched man with misery in his eyes and suicide in his thoughts."

Always love the word "scorching". Scorching, scorching. Doesn't it sound good? And the word "despondency". So rarely for me to use them in a sentence nowadays. Everyone wants sentences to be short and sweet these days, so we ended up with "the weather is hot and I feel like killing myself when the bus showed up an hour later". Everybody is ashamed to use flowery language nowadays as if using short and dare I say, "economical" sentences is a sign of professionalism and efficency. What a bloody waste.

DBS and Lawry's can suck it

As I came home after my customary jog and lunch with my parent and nieces, there was a letter from DBS which enclosed a new credit card. I have no idea why DBS keep sending me new credit cards while asking me to cut up the existing one. I mean, my old card expires in 2012 and there is really no reason to send me another card which expires in the same year. DBS must be damn free.

As a reward for my "unwavering loyalty" (mind you, it is not like I have a bloody choice since they extend my visa subscription every year without even checking with me), I get a voucher for a 1-for-1 main course at Lawry's The Prime Rib. Lawry's. Wooooh.

Before anyone goes wooh and ahh, the voucher comes with a catch. In fact, many catches. So many catches, I feel like I am playing hide and seek. Check on the terms and conditions:

"Valid till 31 December 2008, for dine-in only. Limited to maximum 4 complimentary main courses per card, per bill, per table. Complimentary main course must be of lesser or equal value. No valiod with other on-going promotions, discounts, vouchers, rebates, privilege cards, loyalty programmes or in-house offers. Not valid on eve of and on public holidays. Full payment must be made with a DBS/POSB Credit Card. Prior reservation is required. Please call ______ and quote "DBS 1-for-1 welcome voucher" upon reservation."

If there is a more grudging offer, I have not encountered it yet. If I turned up with the voucher, I full expect the people at Lawry's would probably thumb their noses at me, sit me near the toilet and serve me the smallest and cheapest steak on the house. And I have to make reservation just to endure that sort of humiliation. Talk about making your customers feel "wanted".

This definitely calls for a new card.

Rambo IV rocks my world

Rambo IV should be rated "RA" for RIDICULOUSLY ASS-KICKING. This movie is so awesome that it should be mandatory viewing for everyone. Everyone above three should watch this movie. I rate this movie high, simply because I too harbour murderous thoughts of running amok with a high caliber machine gun, meting out justice now and then.

Speaking of which, I am tired of movies with a twist ending. Why does every movie need to have a twist ending? To show off how smart is the scriptwriter? Ooh, I can see dead people (6th Sense) or the characters have been dead but don't realise it (The Others) or the person is actually my father! (gasp - Wanted, Star Wars). The mother of all twist endings movies is of course, Saw I - IV. We expect a twist ending in every Saw movie; so much that when it did not happen, we actually fall out of our chair with shock. But since Saw, it seems like every movie I watched strived for a twist ending, no matter how ridiculous or contrived it is.

This is why I love Rambo movies. Rambo II was the first movie I watched in a theatre. My dad brought me to watch it; the memory of watching Rambo kicking the whole Vietnamese Army's asses is something which will stay with me for the rest of my life.

There is nothing complicated about Rambo IV. No twist ending, no complicated plot or love story. It is just someone killing everyone in sight in the most brutal way possible. Heads are blown off, bodies blown to pieces, guts are spilled. You know, the usual. It is literally, bloody brilliant. The movie is about Rambo trying to save a bunch of idiot Christians who think that they can just walk into hostile territory to distribute medicine and bibles. We can all guess the plot: the Christians got captured and tortured, and Rambo, being the general nice guy, turned out politely to save them. Of course, "politely" means with a big ass knife that chopped off a guy's head in one blow, and his trusty bow that can probably kill Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk. Iron Man clearly had nothing on John Rambo.

After watching Rambo for more than 20 years, I don't know what can kill Rambo - maybe Godzilla, Ultraman, Super Mario Brothers (with power ups), Jackie Chan before he became crap, Superman, Superman's father and that gay guy from "Project Runway". Then maybe, just maybe, Rambo could be hurt. I wouldn't bet on it though since they may just make him angry. And then, things may really get ugly.

My Lao scholar

My Lao scholar had her commencement / convocation ceremony at Suntec on Saturday. Graduating from SMU, she messaged me to ask whether I could get around to Suntec at about 4.30 pm to take a graduation picture with her family. Unfortunately, I have a Indian Church wedding at 5 pm.

I am immensely proud of her since she is probably the smartest young woman from Laos. If positions in the government are handed out based on meritocracy, she will easily be a minister. I am proud to have contributed a little to her getting a scholarship to finance her studies.

Since I can't make it to the commencement ceremony at Suntec on Saturday, we meet up for tea on Sunday. She mentioned that during the ceremony, the valedictorian (from Information System department) made a speech saying that he got good results because he studied and stayed at SMU everyday, and only went home twice a week.

HAHAHAHA.

All I can say is that he had wasted his time at SMU. Universities' degrees are all useless, regardless whether it is from SMU, NUS or NTU. Your first class degree is as useful as toilet paper the minute you start working. The fact that the idiot actually made such a tactless speech that is totally self-serving shows four years of education is completely wasted on him. If you have the opportunity to say something to your entire cohort of 700 schoolmates and every teaching staff including your Chancellor, why would you say something meaningless which basically translates into "my social life sucks ass and I only got this far because I study through the night like an bookworm on cocaine."

Why? Shouldn't one say something inspirational and memorable like what four years of education had taught your about life? To thank the people which made it all worthwhile; those who become lighthouses in your life, showing you the right way and keeping you out of trouble, and even or those who simply passes through your life like ships in the dark.

What a wasted opportunity,

Best Hamburger in the Universe

Ah, hamburgers.

You may not think much about hamburgers since it is essentially just two buns sandwiching a beef pattie. Some lettuce and tomato are thrown in for show since no one cares about vegetables in a burger. Seriously, vegetables have as much importance in burgers as I have in my current job. One should only put meat and cheese in a hamburger. If I am a tomato, lettuce or some other green leafy things which is supposed good for health, I would quit my job rather if someone asks me to be in a burger.

Buns : Hi, who are you?

Lettuce : I am lettuce. I am applying for the job of being in a burger.

Cheese : Holy shit. You sure? I hope you know that it is a dirty job.

Lettuce: How dirty can it be?

Cheese: Dirty like a foreign worker getting paid S$25 a day shovelling dirt and shit, but was still abandoned at the road side by his Singaporean foreman in order to avoid paying his hospitalisation bills.

Lettuce: I don't take advice from something as yellow as you. Who run this place?

Cheese: Me. I am the head cheese.

Lettuce: Stop shitting me. Hey look, he is a vegetable. Who say there is no vegetable in a burger?

Cheese : That is a pickle. He lost all nutritional value a long time ago. We don't consider him as a vegetable any more.

Pickle: (Whisper) Save yourself . . . . run to a sandwich. It is more healthy there . . .

Lettuce: Oh come on. I don't believe this. This place can't be that unhealthy.

Beef Patty: Hey, new guy. Come and wrap yourself around me. Careful with the trans oil dripping though.

Speaking of burgers, before Iwent to New York, a friend of mine asked me to check out the Shack Burger - supposedly a New York experience that is not to be missed.

Located at the Southeast corner of Madison Square Park, the Shake Shack produces the famous Shack Burgers. I went that at about lunch time, and the queue is like toto queue long. It took me about half an hour to get a Shack Burger.

What makes the Shack burger special is that the beef pattie is thick and uses a mixture of different cuts of beef. Most burgers uses ground beef but Shack Burgers use sirloin and some other cuts. So what you cut is a fatty patty which is really yummy.

The next time I go to NY, I will order two burgers, sit at Madison Park, drink a milkshake and eat till I pop.