Great Teacher CO - Part 1 (6 steps to be a great teacher)
Great Teacher CO - Part 1
Prologue : I was supposed to put this up earlier. So sue me. World Cup is more important.
I had a wonderful dream last night. This was during the period when VLV was bitching non-stop about her teaching profession. It must have affected my brain waves because I dreamt of being a teacher. Well, you know what the wise, ancient Chinese say: "if you keep thinking of something in the day, you will end up dreaming about it at night. Then you can plead criminal insanity when you run your Chinese mistress over with your car and deposit her body at MacRitchie". Or something like that.
Me- CO, the bitterest caveman in Singapore, a teacher? Rock On! I think I will make a great teacher. I saw enough of the old Japanese GTO - Great Teacher Onizuka series to know what are the 6 steps to teaching superstardom. Follow the next 6 steps and soon, parents and MOE will soon be worshipping you as the Messiah of Teachers.
(a) Be cool and have a spiffy haircut like Takeshi Sorimachi, even though it is not allowed by school rules. A teacher must always defy school rules to be "cool" to the students. Who cares about setting an example?
(b) Massacre the English lexicon and talk like a gangster e.g. "yo! man! - how is it hanging?" or "Hey dude, Fiona Xie is da bomb!" Always substitute "the" with "da" because it is totally da way with today's braindead youngsters. Authority like MOE will totally respect you for talking ghetto slang.
(c) Threaten to kick students off the roof. Come to think of it, I would threaten to do so even though I am not even a teacher. Again, your students and MOE will totally respect you for threatening imminent death or a busted colon to the students to keep them in line.
(d) Romance the pretty teenage class slut (there is always one in every class) who has serious family issues even though her family is rich but is really a good girl and will turn over a new leaf once the teacher (aka you) shows her some attention. Nevermind she is a bullying slut who picks on weaker girls and try to get adults into trouble by claiming sexual harassment even though she is wearing visible thongs for the world to see.
(Oops, did I say romance the class slut? I meant, guide her with loving attention as a teacher).
(e) Romance your teaching colleague which we know is always a beautiful teacher (like Nanako Matsushima) who was a fresh graduate. Like all new female teachers or girls in general, she will pretend to be decent/straight-laced/goody two-shoes and be disgusted by my bad boy ways but is also secretly be turned on by it. The fact that you threatened to kick students off the roof like a psycho or talk like a gangster don't bother her at all. The badder you are, the more she will love you.
(f) Lastly, always armed yourself with witty one-liners designed to charm enraged parents, disgruntled educators and beautiful (and horny) colleagues/students. E.g. when your principal asks you why did you encourage a student to abandon his medical studies and instead take up useless dancing class, you toss around your spiffy hair and said "Carpe Diem! (Seize the day)". Your principal will totally respect you for the witty answer and might even promote you. Even though you have totally ruined the career prospects of a would-be doctor and help added one more useless dancer into the pretentious ranks of arty-farty dancers and he would become gay by the time he is 30. Way to go, Great Teacher.
Prologue : I was supposed to put this up earlier. So sue me. World Cup is more important.
I had a wonderful dream last night. This was during the period when VLV was bitching non-stop about her teaching profession. It must have affected my brain waves because I dreamt of being a teacher. Well, you know what the wise, ancient Chinese say: "if you keep thinking of something in the day, you will end up dreaming about it at night. Then you can plead criminal insanity when you run your Chinese mistress over with your car and deposit her body at MacRitchie". Or something like that.
Me- CO, the bitterest caveman in Singapore, a teacher? Rock On! I think I will make a great teacher. I saw enough of the old Japanese GTO - Great Teacher Onizuka series to know what are the 6 steps to teaching superstardom. Follow the next 6 steps and soon, parents and MOE will soon be worshipping you as the Messiah of Teachers.
(a) Be cool and have a spiffy haircut like Takeshi Sorimachi, even though it is not allowed by school rules. A teacher must always defy school rules to be "cool" to the students. Who cares about setting an example?
(b) Massacre the English lexicon and talk like a gangster e.g. "yo! man! - how is it hanging?" or "Hey dude, Fiona Xie is da bomb!" Always substitute "the" with "da" because it is totally da way with today's braindead youngsters. Authority like MOE will totally respect you for talking ghetto slang.
(c) Threaten to kick students off the roof. Come to think of it, I would threaten to do so even though I am not even a teacher. Again, your students and MOE will totally respect you for threatening imminent death or a busted colon to the students to keep them in line.
(d) Romance the pretty teenage class slut (there is always one in every class) who has serious family issues even though her family is rich but is really a good girl and will turn over a new leaf once the teacher (aka you) shows her some attention. Nevermind she is a bullying slut who picks on weaker girls and try to get adults into trouble by claiming sexual harassment even though she is wearing visible thongs for the world to see.
(Oops, did I say romance the class slut? I meant, guide her with loving attention as a teacher).
(e) Romance your teaching colleague which we know is always a beautiful teacher (like Nanako Matsushima) who was a fresh graduate. Like all new female teachers or girls in general, she will pretend to be decent/straight-laced/goody two-shoes and be disgusted by my bad boy ways but is also secretly be turned on by it. The fact that you threatened to kick students off the roof like a psycho or talk like a gangster don't bother her at all. The badder you are, the more she will love you.
(f) Lastly, always armed yourself with witty one-liners designed to charm enraged parents, disgruntled educators and beautiful (and horny) colleagues/students. E.g. when your principal asks you why did you encourage a student to abandon his medical studies and instead take up useless dancing class, you toss around your spiffy hair and said "Carpe Diem! (Seize the day)". Your principal will totally respect you for the witty answer and might even promote you. Even though you have totally ruined the career prospects of a would-be doctor and help added one more useless dancer into the pretentious ranks of arty-farty dancers and he would become gay by the time he is 30. Way to go, Great Teacher.
yo! What's up! I'm da man! Students totally love me for being an obnoxious, violent bastard simply I am creative and can "relate" to da students. Notice my spiffy hair and unbuttoned shirt which are totally not MOE regulation.
There we go, six tried and tested ways to become a Great Teacher. Man, I rule so hard they should give me a public service medal. I was about to write more about this dream I had as a teacher but Italy vs Czech Republic just started. You should know my priorities by now. Later.
posted by Captain Obvious at 2:54 AM
5 Comments:
Did you just watch GTO or something?
Gosh...or world cup must have burnt a hole in your brains.
All be revealed in due course. I thought it was funny.
Ha ha...
I was expecting something from world Cup though...
Oei, soccer freak!!!!
ZERO UPDATE HUH?
yeah lah yeah lah. Go read the newest entry.
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