Critique of Thai Airline food

I had written a follow-up piece to the death to whiny traitorous Singaporeans but wanted to try to edit some photos so as to illustrate my points better. The operative word is "try" since I am a technological doofus and have no clue how to work a photoshop. Come to think, I don't even own a photoshop. All I got are some free software called "The Gimp" and "Serif Photoplus". All hail Captain Obvious! Maximus Al Cheapo!

While pondering the mathematic and bafflingly complexities of simply drawing a f'kng straight line in photoplus, I chanced about two past pictures of food which I forgot to post. These are pictures which I took from one of those many forgotten trips to Bangkok on Thai Airlines.

I have been to Bangkok for personal and for work so often that I lost track. It is like a third home to me. Almost all these trips are on Thai Airlines (like 30+ and still counting), so I am in a better position than most to commend on Thai Airlines service and food. So here goes my critique on food based on the following scale:

Style : 1 to 10 (1 being the sloppy state of food you are served at your chap chye rice stall, 10 being fine dining - think Lawrys)

Taste : 1 to 10 (1 would mean that the food is equal to an absolute shit burger with a supersized cup of diarrhea to wash it down with. 10 would mean equivalent either to buttered foie gras or black vinegar pork leg with soya sauced eggs. OMG)

Similiarity to Prison Food : 1 to 10 (1 would mean that the food is so good that it bears no resemblance to prison food. 10 would mean the plane you are on is Con-Air)

Breakfast

Rise and shine! Here's come breakfast fit for a king! That's if you are an insane English king who likes his breakfast to come with a piece of sad looking salmon on rye bread and some equally forlorn looking potato salad on the side. I seen prisoners who eat better than this. At least, the Thais are kind enough to give you a small cup of water to wash this breakfast of champions down - like you are a prisoner doing hard labour in a Nazi concentration camp. I usually have to ask for tons of soya sauce to mask the flavour (or lack of it) of this sad excuse of a breakfast. Someone remind me to bring some oatmeal when I next travel on Thai Airline.

Style : 4/10 (unless you are a priest who is into the fish on bread thingy)

Taste : 3/10 (slight possibility that you might perish)

Similarity to Prison Food : 9/10

Lunch

For lunch, you ALWAYS get a choice of either (a) seafood noodles or (b) rice with thai curry chicken. There is almost no exception. The airline probably figured that these two are the safest (read : boring ass) dishes since they do not offend (a) the muslims or (b) travelling vegetarians who suddenly decide that seafood is not meat. Seriously, I met some vegetarians in my life who said eating seafood is okay. What sort of twisted logic are these vegetarians working on? Vegetarians, meet hypocrisy. If I am a prawn, I will be damn insulted.

Nobody in their right mind will order seafood noodles on Thai Airlines. If you order seafood noodles, I will laugh at you unreservedly for spending a couple of hundred dollars on a cramp economic seat eating noodles with small prawns. Wise-up. I am not saying that the Thai Airline's idea of lunch which consists of rice with chicken is as awesome as xia long baos or buttered foie gras (OMFG). I am just saying that it is a notch better than prison food at Changi and still better than f'kng seafood noodles.

Remember, if you are going to suffer, always go for the rice with chicken. This rule applies on all airlines, and I have travelled on many. I remember once, the guy next to me ordered seafood noodles. I was laughing at him all the way.

The redeeming feature about this lunch is that the Thais always give you two massive pieces of curry chicken which covers half the plate. They are not the most succulent piece of meat in the world but beggars could not be choosers. Remember, you are in f'kng economy class which makes you only a class above cattle. Of course, like most airlines, the Thais will make a half-hearted attempt at a "balanced meal" by throwing in some sad cauliflower and horrific carrots on the side. Why bother? Just pick those out of your rice and throw it at the kid sitting in front. Just kidding, the idiot kid might eat the vegetables you threw and die. Another small positive is that the bread roll is semi hot. When travelling at 10000+ feet in the air, hot bread is always welcome.

And the MOST IMPORTANT RULE on lunches on any airline, don't eat the salad. Never eat the salad. Thou should never ask why. It is like the Matrix, one could not explain it. You will have to experience it - in which case, the rest of your journey will be spent in the toilet wishing you are dead.

Style : 5/10 (looks damn messy)

Taste : 6/10 (you won't die, unless you eat the salad)

Similarity to Prison Food : 5/10

Dinner

Well, for dinner, we have the following menu at Thai Airline for you to choose. Scroll down for the menu :

(a) Seafood Noodles

(b) Rice with Thai Curry Chicken

So what will it be, suckers?