A disturbing thought at golf

I was suckered into playing 27 holes of golf last Sunday with a couple of Singaporean friends. Actually, I am not sure whether they are really "friends" because my definition of friends is quite stringent. For example, friends are people which I will run without hesitation into a burning building to save. These people . . . . well, I will stand around the burning building, think about it for a while, and then walk in casually to see what can be done.

It is not that they are bad people. They are normal, average everyday Singaporeans who are just trying to make a living in Laos. Some are nice. Some are outright assholes. Almost all have Lao girlfriends, wife or mistresses. I respect that all - except the assholes of course. It is just that - I am on different wavelengths from them. It is the same for most of us of course. There are people which you just don't click with no matter how nice they are. For me, it is just a simple case of not clicking with most of humanity. Take for example - conversation at golf.

For those who don't play golf, ever wonder what a bunch of male golfers do during those long walks up and down the course? I calculated that playing 18 holes of golf would require the average golfer to walk 6-7 km. So what do golfers talk about when walking that 6-7 km? Naturally, woman and sex.

I lost count about the number of times some Lao, Japanese, Korean and Singaporean golfers nudged me and asked me whether I want to play "an extra hole" after the standard round of 18 holes of golf. They always say this with a wink, as if winking at CO will help CO get the hint as to what they are actually implying. Oh, I get it. It is just that the more CO gets it, the more CO wishes that everyone of these horny golfers will leave me alone. During my 3+ years playing golf in Laos, I have lost count about the number of sexist jokes and lewd suggestions made between male golfers from all nationalities - Japan, Lao, Chinese, Korean and Singaporean etc. E.g. golf ball jokes, female caddies jokes, massages after golf so as to "recharge" their battery, does CO know where is the best place to "restore the balance of ying and yang"? Blah blah.

Like I said before - it is not them, it is me. I hate massages and certainly don't fancy playing an "extra hole". Most of the time, I just go home and sulk over my bad score. To be honest, I detest such talk. I don't know why exactly. It makes me feel uncomfortable that men are perpetually looking for opportunities to fornicate with strange women. It is not that CO is into women's rights; far from it. I guess those long months I spent in Bangkok when I saw what women will do for money sort of change my perceptions a bit. But Sunday's golf was especially disturbing.

For one, our fellow golfers started teasing the female caddies and asking them sensitive and lewd questions like which golfer they would like to bring home (I should learn to say that in Lao). They spent more time asking their caddies to smile for them than hitting the ball. In Singapore, they would be sued off their pants for sexual harrassement immediately. I didn't mind really because I was focusing on my strokes and doing better than those horny bastards whose minds were swimming in the dirty gutters rather than concentrating on getting the ball onto the green from 100 yards. Fine, I thought - I should take the opportunity to ask them to place bets since their minds were elsewhere.

Then conversation turns to which female professional golfers are hot. This happened at Hole No. 8 I think. Nice weather, trees on the right, cool breeze coming in right to left, I got my No.1 Nickent driver in my hand. I pondered and said "Grace Park" - which was the Korean golfer on my earlier list of most pretty things on earth- and walked up to the tee box. One or two muttered their agreement with me while a few disagreed saying that she was a little old. Fine, you can't account for tastes and to each their own. I love Grace Park to bits because she is hot like hell so I am putting her pic up again for no good reasons.

Just as I was about to smash the ball, one golfer said ' Man, I think Michelle Wie is hot". TANG!!! I lost my balance and sliced my ball right into the trees. Damn.

For those who really don't know anything about golf, Michelle Wie is a 15 year-old US professional golfer from Hawaii. 15 years old. Here are some pics of Michelle Wie.

Now 16, Wie stands at 1.85 metres and is famous for able to hit the ball longer than a man (about 350 yards easily). Her name is world famous, 2nd only to Tiger Woods. She plays against the men in the PGA circuit while her contemporaries are contented in playing in the Ladies' PGA circuit.

Sure she is a golf prodigy but a sexy sports chick? Nothing about her says sexy or hot to me but then it is understandable because the poor girl is only 16 yrs old.

The golf group was quite quiet afterwards as we walked silently towards the hole. Each of us was probably thinking the same thought:

OMG - We are golfing with a paedophile. He likes 16 yrs old. Where is the police??!!

But of course, we can make a defence for him in the sense that Michelle Wie doesn't look like a typical mousy 16 yrs old. At 1.85 m, she pretty much kicks most men's asses. But it is still a disturbing thought eh? I am sure there are a lot of male golfers out there who have a thing for Michelle Wie and harboured paedophilic tendencies but don't want to admit it. Thank God for Grace Park.