Miss S'pore Universe 2006

Our Miss Singapore Universe 2006 is a lady called Ms Carol Cheong. By the way, the Miss Universe 2006 contest had been held in July 2006 and the winner is Miss Puerto Rico. Miss Puerto Rico looks hot. She looks like she can stop traffic simply by standing on the pavement. Miss Singapore Carol Cheong did not get into the top 20 - as many expected.

(Miss Singapore - taken off good old Wikipedia)

(2006 Champion- Miss Puerto Rico)

Now I am not ranting about Miss Cheong's performance. I know every year, the "all-knowing" and sarcastic Singaporean public will bitch about why our annual representative to the World Cup of Beauty is so plain while there are prettier girls (e.g. Fiona Xie) which we could send instead. Typical comment is "Aiyah, why we send this girl? The girl at my class/Zouk/the air stewardess on my flight/my friend is so much prettier. . . " The funny thing is that all these sarcastic comments seem to come from women (which is sort of strange and ironic). We men don't mind really who goes to compete with the world's most beautiful. As long as she looks sweet and hopefully busty aka the happy meal combo (men are simple- what can I say?), we are almost always supportive. It is already difficult for our girl to compete with the leggy beauties from Europe and the busty (Baywatch standard some more) knockouts from good old US of A and to contend with criticism at home bringing down her confidence even before the cat walk starts.

Think about it, our poor Miss Singapore got plenty going against her. For one, we don't even have a national costume for her. She probably has to crack her head to get a typical, boring ass Vanda Miss Joaquim/orchid sort of clothing. Yawn. Other girls have recognisable traditional costumes from their countries like Spain, Brazil, Japan, Korea and even Malaysia. Even Miss USA always walk around unabashedly in a traditional red, white and blue costume which always remind me of Captain America. Miss Japan (1st runner up but should have won really) paraded with a f_king awesome samurai sword and armour (check it out on the Miss Universe website) instead of the usual boring ass kimono. I mean, Miss Japan carried around a samurai sword - what could poor Miss Singapore do to match that? You don't get more awesome that a sword whic looked like it was straight out of Kill Bill (Hattori Hanzo pwns everything!). Singapore only has 41 years of history, you know.

I have nothing against Miss Carol Cheong but one of her replies to the interview at the finals got on my bloody nerves and was probably one of the reason she got her ass whooped by the judges. The question posed to her by the panel of judges went like this:

Question : Name one person other than your parents who has had the most influence on your life. Why?

Her answer:

No other person has influenced me the same way that my mom has. I share a very close relationship with her and she has given me a lot of advice in my life and supported me through thick and thin, regardless of my failures. She'll continue to be there for me.

If I am the judge, I would disqualify Miss Carol Cheong's ass immediately because she was, in typical CO's assessment, a dumbass. The judge already tell her to name "one other person other than your parents', and she still merrily went on to name her mother???!!? Does Miss Carol Cheong understand English? 0r maybe she have already memorised the answer so she is speaking by rote instead? Co's grade F-. Watching her replied to the question was like having a nail hammered into your eyeball.

Now I know, at the Miss Universe, it is typically to say two things, (a) thank your parents and (b) hope for world peace. But seriously, pissing off the judge must be the last thing she should have done.

Let's look at the answers from the rest of the contests, shall we? CO shall assign a grade in terms of originality.

Miss Japan - Miss Kurara Chibana (Drop dead stunning)

Definitely Christiane Amanpour, CNN's chief international correspondent! I first saw her on CNN 2 years ago and was surprised that there was a female journalist who was reporting in dangerous war zones. In Japan it is unheard of that a female journalist would be sent to such places.

CO's grade : B- (too modern feminist BS for me but passable. At least she name someone interesting and well known.)

Miss USA - Miss Tara Conner

My Granny Conner has had a tremendous influence on me throughout my life. At the age of 55, she received her GED and then proceeded to get her business degree. She has instilled in me great morals and values, and she has taught me that no matter what the age, education is essential.

CO's grade : A (she named her grandmother which was a smart way to get around the parents trap. She also addressed the issue of old age and education which was intelligent on her part. Very good answer.)

Miss Malaysia - Miss Melissa Tan

I am inspired by the good in every person I meet, however, if I had to name one person besides my parents, it would be the author Napoleon Hill. Reading his book "Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude" was the turning point in my life. I changed from a complacent, risk-fearing person to a go-getter with the right values in life.

CO's grade : C ( C for Crap answer. No one knows Napoleon Hill, doofus. I rather you said Napoleon Bonaparte himself. But at least she did not name her parents!!)

Miss St Martin - Gisella Hilliman

My sister, Zahira Hilliman, has had the most influence on my life. I admire her as she strives with diligence to accomplish the goals she has set for herself with much success. At the age of 17, she wrote and composed the National Anthem of the Netherlands Antilles and she is also the singer of St. Maarten's National Flag song.

CO's grade : A (Holy shit. She has a sister who composed her country's anthem and sing the St Maarten's National Flag song. A just for association).

Miss China - Miss Gao Hui Ying

My deportment coach is the person who has had the most influence on my life. She always encourages me and gives me support when I encounter difficulties, and I have learned from her how to treat everyone with honesty and love.

CO's grade : C - (Absolute boring ass answer. A deportment (?) coach of no significance. You might as well name your insurance agent who swindled you out of 40k as inspiration to never be swindled by anyone else again).

There are plenty more craptastic answers from beauties all around the world (tribute to mentor, friend blah blah) but the rubbish one from Miss Singapore must have shocked everyone. I am embarassed by Miss Carol Cheong's answer. People will start asking questions like whether Singaporeans can speak English. I mean, it is not even a difficult question! Just name one inspiring/interesting figure (preferably female and OTHER THAN YOUR PARENTS)! Name your grandmother who raised her family on her own and worked till her hands bleed. Name Oprah at the last resort.

There were more mind-numbling answers from Miss Singapore and the rest (e.g. hobbies and career paths). I shall not dwell on this today in an effort to preserve my sanity. I hereby offer my services (free of charge) to prepare all future Miss Singapores for Miss Universe Finals Interview. I do so that I need not be embarrased by my own countrywoman again.