Movies which sucked big time

A pop quiz - what does the following classic movies have in common besides they all sucked big time?

(a) Robocop II
(b) Free Willy
(c) War of the World (the recent one with Tom Cruise)
(d) Sixth Sense
(d) Artifical Intelligence (A.I)
(e) Home Alone

Give up?

THESE ARE MOVIES WHICH WERE RUINED AND SUCKED BECAUSE THEY STARRED KIDS.

Nothing good ever comes out of having kids in movies. Nothing. Kids are disgusting, they can't act (I don't count act cute) and they ruin every movie I have ever seen. Without exception. Check out the below evidence.

Robocop 2


My pet peeve against kids in movies goes back to 1990 with the movie Robocop 2. Now, we guys love Robocop. I will go as far as to say that Robocop is the greatest litmus test for a guy's sexual preference. If you are straight, you love Robocop. I still have guy friends who faithfully display Robocop toys on their work tables in Singapore. I think they sacrifice a pokemon to it every Friday morning.

What's there not to love about a metallic asskicking cyber policeman which shoot a rapist in his crotch while the latter is holding a female hostage? How about taking on a whole army of drug dealers with the second greatest classic one liner in movie? (The greatest classic one liner is of course- 'I will be back' by Arnie). Robocop's immortal one liner is:

"Dead or Alive, You are coming with me". Holy smoke. Does that kick ass or what? Robocop 1 was AWESOME in all languages.

And then Robocop 2 happens. Do you remember Robocop 2? Of course not. Why? Because the asshole producer decided to pit Robocop against a child criminal mastermind called "Hob". Hob is sort of like Artemis Fowl but a more deranged, irritating and less lovable version. Take a look at the child actor Gabriel Damon. Damon's role in the movie was to whine from start to finish and turn Robocop into a pile of pussified jelly. A total prick.

(Am I the only who feels like punching this kid's jaw to wipe the smirk off his face? I hereby support child abuse)

He dragged the whole freaking movie down with his shit acting skills and is single-handedly responsible for killing the Robocop franchise. Death to whining child actor pretending to be cool criminal mastermind. I can't even tell you how happy I was when he was finally killed by the mad evil cyborg in Robocop 2. Mad evil cyborg probably decided that it was better to end the movie early than to listen to anymore of his whining.

War of the Worlds

Tell me, what do you remember most about War of the Worlds?
(a) The cool aliens which vaporise humans,
(b) the same aliens which suddenly discover last minute that they are vulnerable to water moisture in the air (DUH - and they spend centuries planning for the invasion? Stupid),
(c) Tom Cruise running around like a headless chicken, or


(d) Tom Cruise's idiot daughter screaming every minute for no reason?

I swear, I was covering my ears during the whole movie. I was actually rooting for the aliens to squash Dakota Fanning and suck her marrow out. Look at her, that screaming daughter. Was it me, or was the girl screaming every minute in the movie for no good reason? Someone shut her gap up already.



If I am her father, I would chuck her out to the aliens and run away happily. Ms Dakota Fanning ruined an otherwise tolerable sci-fi movie which Tom Cruise actually put in a decent performance. Death to screaming child actresses.

Home Alone

Home alone is pure kids' bullshit. 1990 must be a bumper year for producing idiot child actors. First, we have Gabriel Damon from Robocop 2. Then we have the greatest child poser of all time - Macauley Culkin. In case, you somehow missed this atrocity of a movie (lucky you), it is about a idiot kid "accidentally" being left home by his parents for Xmas. I said "accidentally" because if I have this kid, I would chuck him away with some hobo for good. Anyway, this kid managed to defend his home against two dumb adult burglars and also helped an old man to unite with his family. WTF? How insulting to adults could this movie get? Stupid. I am glad the Home Alone franchise soon bombed out.

Everytime I see this picture, I have to fight the urge to grab a fork and stab his eyes out.

Free Willy

The tagline of the movie reads "A 12 year old street kid. A 3 ton orca whale. A friendship you could never imagine. An adventure you'll never forget." It is about a boy who fights to save a whale. WOW. By the way, am I the only one hoping that the fat whale will fall on the boy while attempting to jump over him? No?

12 year old kid + 3 ton fish = 15 x Bullshit movie. If there is worse thing than a kid acting in the movies, it is to pair him up with an animal. I don't care if people tell me that the whale is a mammal. Who cares? It got fins, so it is a fish. The only fish I would allow to act in the movies is the Great White bcos it eats kids for breakfast and Willy for supper.

This movie would have been otherwise tolerable if it just ditched the stupid kid. And maybe also the fat whale. "But if you ditch the kid and the whale, there will be no movie" I hear you say. Good, you are catching on.

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Don't even get me started on Artificial Intelligence. I fall asleep somewhere around the 8-hour mark of this horrendously long 16-hour movie (it sure felt like it) which goes on and on about a boy robot looking for his mother. Somewhere along the way, there is even a gay prostitute robot guiding the boy's way. And then the world ends (?) and wispy aliens create a mother for the boy robot. OMFG. I recalled walking away from the cinema shaking. What was Spielberg thinking? Trust me, any movie with child actors in it are destined to fail.