Who wants to be a businessman?
Sometimes in my flights of fantasy, I would imagine that my job is a temporary distraction and some day I will go around to setting up my own business and be gasp! . . a towkay. Isn’t it bloody cool? I can come to work late everyday, at my own time and people have to answer to me for a change. Yeah, that’s right bitches, make me a sandwich. I can play golf everyday and have two hours lunch break. I can go home early and spent the night drinking and fornicating with exotic and beautiful women. That’s the kind of life you see on TV during whisky commercials (Chivas Regal and Johnny Walker are usually the biggest culprits) or any commercials for men’s perfume and underwear (Hugo Boss can suck it btw).
You know the types of commercials I am talking about. Handsome Caucasian man with unbuttoned shirt and muscular six-pack sitting on a beach deck chair with a whiskey glass in one hand while trading stock worth millions on his laptop. A red Ferrari sits in the background, symbol of our Caucasian man’s financial success as a man whose destiny is clearly in his hands and no one else. Across the sandy beach, a hot blonde woman rises from the water as the soft glow of the evening sun plays on her glistening skin. Britney Spears starts singing “Oops, I did it again”. Hot blonde woman starts walking seductively to our Caucasian hero, gyrating her hips to the wind and pours him another glass of whiskey. Our hero drinks from the glass, looks into the camera and on cue, says “Now that’s the life”. Then the woman gives him a blowjob, stabs him while he is in ectasy and runs away with the Ferrari. Wait. That’s bad porn.
But of course, reality is the cold, lonely grave to fantasy’s colourful rainbow. It is tough to start a business. In the first place, one needs a bloody good business idea and I have none. I envy some of the people I met who are bursting with creative business ideas such as setting up popular bread franchises or just trading/selling on Ebay. I read from Straits Times that a Singaporean spent S$70,000-200,000 to set up his own 24 hr minimart in Tuas and is doing well. Now, why can’t I think of that? Some young people are already getting a headstart in entrepreneurship by designing and selling their own clothes.
Truth be told, many people have asked me to invest some money into their business ideas. E.g. a Singaporean who I played golf with just asked me to invest S$250,000 in a fabric factory in Laos. He even lay out a business plan for me – something about exporting Lao fabric by the bulk to neighbouring regional markets. Another asked me to invest in some mining expedition which will have fantastic yields. A cute Japanese cup cake staying in Thailand asks me whether I would like to invest in her plan to run an internet cafe on the beach of Krabi which also specialises in renting out Japanese books for Japanese tourists (Note : I must say this is still the most sensible and viable business plan I have heard for the whole year). But to say that I am sceptical is a major understatement. I think it is my nature to be risk adverse. Whenever some guy comes along with a business plan for me to be towkay, my immediate reaction is that he is here to cheat my money. Bleah. There is so much I don’t know about business – balance sheet, yield, earnings. I need to go back to school to understand how a simple business operates.
Sure, I can set up a foodstall in the middle of nowhere selling noodles. But that would mean I have to stay in Laos permanently since I am never going to make enough to even afford a decent living in Singapore. I guess it is times like these which make people just walk to their nearby Singapore Pool outlet and buy Toto.
You know the types of commercials I am talking about. Handsome Caucasian man with unbuttoned shirt and muscular six-pack sitting on a beach deck chair with a whiskey glass in one hand while trading stock worth millions on his laptop. A red Ferrari sits in the background, symbol of our Caucasian man’s financial success as a man whose destiny is clearly in his hands and no one else. Across the sandy beach, a hot blonde woman rises from the water as the soft glow of the evening sun plays on her glistening skin. Britney Spears starts singing “Oops, I did it again”. Hot blonde woman starts walking seductively to our Caucasian hero, gyrating her hips to the wind and pours him another glass of whiskey. Our hero drinks from the glass, looks into the camera and on cue, says “Now that’s the life”. Then the woman gives him a blowjob, stabs him while he is in ectasy and runs away with the Ferrari. Wait. That’s bad porn.
But of course, reality is the cold, lonely grave to fantasy’s colourful rainbow. It is tough to start a business. In the first place, one needs a bloody good business idea and I have none. I envy some of the people I met who are bursting with creative business ideas such as setting up popular bread franchises or just trading/selling on Ebay. I read from Straits Times that a Singaporean spent S$70,000-200,000 to set up his own 24 hr minimart in Tuas and is doing well. Now, why can’t I think of that? Some young people are already getting a headstart in entrepreneurship by designing and selling their own clothes.
Truth be told, many people have asked me to invest some money into their business ideas. E.g. a Singaporean who I played golf with just asked me to invest S$250,000 in a fabric factory in Laos. He even lay out a business plan for me – something about exporting Lao fabric by the bulk to neighbouring regional markets. Another asked me to invest in some mining expedition which will have fantastic yields. A cute Japanese cup cake staying in Thailand asks me whether I would like to invest in her plan to run an internet cafe on the beach of Krabi which also specialises in renting out Japanese books for Japanese tourists (Note : I must say this is still the most sensible and viable business plan I have heard for the whole year). But to say that I am sceptical is a major understatement. I think it is my nature to be risk adverse. Whenever some guy comes along with a business plan for me to be towkay, my immediate reaction is that he is here to cheat my money. Bleah. There is so much I don’t know about business – balance sheet, yield, earnings. I need to go back to school to understand how a simple business operates.
Sure, I can set up a foodstall in the middle of nowhere selling noodles. But that would mean I have to stay in Laos permanently since I am never going to make enough to even afford a decent living in Singapore. I guess it is times like these which make people just walk to their nearby Singapore Pool outlet and buy Toto.
posted by Captain Obvious at 3:11 AM
3 Comments:
Be a hawker. Hard work but good money.
On a serious note, be careful with setting up business overseas.
And pray tell, how can I attract beautiful supermodels by telling them that I am a bak kut teh hawker?
It is all about marketing.
Just say you run an alfresco dining selling double boiled pork ribs with herbs and spices.
Isn't that what our local man say to their china bride?
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