Teachers and principals suck as parents

Ah . . . . . . Peace on earth as I sent my nemesis Onion to attend all the BS events which I was invited to. I can finally munch my sandwich in peace.

Onion told me that his mum is a teacher and vice-principal of some school. Dad is in the police.

OMG.

I always believe that teachers and principals make the worst parents. Onion is not the only person I know with a teacher as a parent. There are others - almost all equally annoying as Onion with a Texas-sized ego to boot. There used to be this guy called Dandruff which was an absolute weirdo back home who doesn't bathe or wash his hair, has big-ass dandruff problem. His dandruff problem is so awesome that his dandruff flakes are like SNOW FLAKES. When he walks, the drandruffs leave a trail behind him like Hansel and Gretel leaving breadcrumbs in the forest. The Snow Queen got nothing on him. He treats women colleagues badly, used vulgarities against them indiscriminately and above all, is an absolute pyscho-stalker of woman whom he thinks are interested in him.

Then this other friend I know with parents as teachers, turns out to be a pervert with a fetish for women's undies. Tried to shoplift some women's undies at some shopping centres about 6 years back and got busted. Straight As student somemore. He was actually not a bad guy - sort of nice and mousy (nothing wrong with that) - but I have no idea how he got such fetishes from.

And this chap with a famous professor as a father turns out to be a loser-slacker who doesn't want to work and spends his days leeching his parents.

Terrible. You would think teachers make good parents. I think almost all suck. Maybe it is the stress of facing 30+ kids everyday that one takes it all out on the kid when he or she returns home.

Tales of the Onion III

I sometimes have this feeling that people like home don't like me a lot; otherwise they wouldn't send Onion up to irritate me. I mean, the decision making process back home must be something like this:

(In a dark, creepy meeting room)

Boss 1 : We have an Onion on our hands which we cannot get rid off.

Boss 2 : And he is beginning to smell.

Boss 3 : The last time I asked him to change one word in his report, he spent days arguing with me. He thinks his England more powerful than all us bosses combined.

Boss 2 : So how?

All bosses : hmmm m m m m . . . . ..

Boss 1 : You know we have this CO who is out somewhere in Laos? Why don't we send Onion up there? Firstly, Onion can get the fuck out of our sight and second, he can irritate CO no end. Win-win.

Boss 2 and 3 : Hell yeah!

Jokes aside, Onion is beginning to worry me. He is a blame-pusher and a trouble-ducker. This morning, when someone came to the office to get some shit done, we could not do it because one of my other staff was on leave. So I politely conveyed to the person that "sorry lah, let me call you back in an hour or so after I clarify with my on-leave staff on the matter". Onion actually raised his voice at me and say, "No! You must give it to her now!" while sitting there as if he was the boss around here.

I gave Onion a stare that can freeze a fat mastodon and he kept quiet. The person also walked away politely as he could sense the temperature in the room dropped.

I dished out a dressing down to Onion a couple of minutes ago and told him he is not the boss around here. He can be boss in a month's time when I leave but even then, there are others here who outranked his fat, unpopular onion ass. The rule here is to always obey your bosses and back your own men - something which Onion just doesn't seem to get after working for some years. Probably due to his ego and the fact that he seems to think that he knows more than the rest of us put together.

He is sulking in his room now.

Tales of the Onion - II

Onion told me enough tall tales and short fantasy for me to write several books. I can already pictured it - "Part 1 - The Lion, the Witch and the Onion', "Part 2 - The Onion Strikes Back" and "Part 3 - Return of the Onion and Garlic".


I ticked off Onion and showed him several black faces yesterday. He had the audacity of accusing me of giving wrong information back home. With such ego, no wonder everyone back in HQ, including our bosses, hate him with a vengeance. Apparently some months back, one of our big bosses used a word in a report which Onion felt that it should not be used. Just one word. So Onion raised a stinker and persisted in arguing with the big boss, over and over again over one word. Thus everyone down the chain kena (including Onion's immediate supervisors) from the irate big boss. Boo. While I actually asked him about that, Onion admitted that he has an impulsive urge to correct others (maybe to give him an ego stroke). I think we can all agree that he sucks as an employee.


Onion is a peranakan and he prides his English proficiency. His command of English is superb and uses flowery words which I seldom see. The problem is this, some words make you look like an arrogant dumbass who looks down on others. And the universal law is that people don't like to be looked down upon. Second problem is that, he is surprising slow in his work. He takes like 2000 years just to write one nice paragraph while most of us would have already sent off the report and be drinking at Sunset Bar in ten minutes.


The ticking off doesn't seem to work on Onion. He was back to regaling me with tall tales like a pirate who had too much rum last night. He talked about the huge plantation that his ancestors used to own but was taken away by the PAP government under the land acquisition act (three cheers to the government!). The family had then to move into this large townhouse which he grumbled. I think they are staying in some private property now. Onion said that he was afraid that someday, he might have to live in . . . . . . (horrors) . . . . a HDB flat.


I look at him and said, "you do know, that 80-90% Singapore live in HDB flat." Don't you hate elitist scum like him?

Tales of the Onion

Onion, in one of his bragging mood, told us the tale of one of his ex-girlfriends. Before I start, I need to say that Onion's tales border somewhere between fantasy and pure BS (formula is like 50% fantasy+50% BS = 100% whimsical shit like Howl's Moving Onion Castle) so it is really up to anyone to believe. He also just pissed me off last evening because he didn't bother to park his fat, onion ass in the front passenger seat so I sort of became his chaffeur. Me, his boss. He also like to act as if he owns the place. It is time to put his fat ass in his rightful place after I have been more than accommodating in giving him a clean slate to start from - this is in view of the rotten reputation he had back home (nobody really likes him back home and they couldn't get rid of him so they sent him here like a stray onion for me to teach).

So anyway, Onion was telling a group of associates during drinks (he drank coffee - pussy) that he met his ex-girlfriend during a church play when they were young. He played Joseph and Onion's Ex-Girlfriend (OEG) played Mary. Awwww . . . . so sweet. Like Turn Left, Turn Right - destiny meant them to be together. Well, boo fucking hoo (note : why does everyone think their love story is a fucking fairy tale with angels and shit? Ha, ha).

They then met in JC and became an item. Aww, destiny . . . isn't it sweet? Anyway, OEG was apparently pretty and rich. According to Onion, like super-duper, Paris Hilton rich. Once, OEG actually told Onion, "why not we go to Paris for lunch?" and proceeded to buy two airtickets to Paris. That was how rich OEG supposed to be. Onion said in a dreamy voice that he had breakfast at the riveria, implying that he had hot, steamy sex with OEG and his life was perfect.

In the car, I asked Onion point blank whether the story was true. He insisted that it was. According to him, OEG then went to England and became a different person. According to Onion, OEG then slept around, displaying her true character as a slut. She also liked to sleep with big black men because she was heavily into drugs and these black men were all drug peddlars. Onion and OEG broke up when Onion was in armyy. Onion told me that he regretted that things did not work out. He thought their love was meant to be (ha ,ha) and he believed that he would marry her - a super-duper rich girl - and he wouldn't need to work for his living ever again. Yeah, he actually told me this.

Idon't know what to make of this. If Onion looks like Tom Cruise or Andy Lau, I would actually believe him cos Singaporean girls are like suckers. But he is like a fat, rolling onion. Then again, you see such shit in NUS all the time - girls flocking to rich and obnoxious guys who mistreat them. So it could be true.

Anyway, the fact that he told the story to a group of associates over drinks meant that he has a big mouth and likes to say things to impress people and give him an ego stroke. I know of people like him and it is time for me to educate him. I am going to peel myself an onion.

Sometimes we overlook the important stuff

Last night, I was rushing my end of term report. I left it late because it was like, 20 over pages of pure fluff. So I was still awake at 2 am when the England vs Germany match kicked off on live telecast. So I thought, "yeah, why not catch the first half of it before hitting the sack?"

So, I was at rapt attention when the German and English players sang their rousing national anthemns. By the way, I love listening to national anthemns from all countries. Laos has a nice, melodic one which can be quite poignant at times. And I always thought our Majulah Singapore isn't too shabby either.

More than 90,000 fans were there at the new spanking Wembley Stadium (in London) including the new British PM who took time out to watch the games. Lots of VIPs were craning their necks in the VIP box to oggle at the players. Everyone was jumping and down in excitement for the game to start. Given the traditional animosity between the two nations, I was also psyched up to see the match get started.

So, everything seemed to be in place:

(a) 90,000 excited fans in a spanking, beautiful stadium
(b) All well-paid, star English and German players were standing in the field ready to play including David Beckham himself
(c) VIPs were all happily seated including the British PM
(d) The national anthemns had been sung perfectly

But it turned out there was SOMETHING MISSING before the match could get started. Can you make a guess as to what was missing?









They forgot to bring a FOOTBALL.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

So everyone, English and German, players and referee, was standing in the field like dumbasses looking at each other and asking, "Uh . . . where is the ball ar?"

It is the funniest thing I have seen for a long, long time. All the money and efforts spent in preparing the international friendly and they forgot to bring the most important thing: the ball.

Difference between men and women

If the world is run by women, our work correspondences will be filled with:

"*Hugs and kisses*. Hope you are feeling better when working on the report. Hehex =DD"

By thank goodness, the world is still run by men and fuelled by simple testorene and unbridled aggression (as God and whoever is up there intended). So our work emails will be along the line of:

"Where's my report, Onion?"

Straight and to the point. No acting cute, false pandering to emotions and suger-coating what needs to be done or said. If the world is run by women, we will all become a huddled mass of cry babies offering comfort and support for the simplest of things.

- - - - -

The stock market just went into free fall during the last one month. I guess I won't be looking at a house anytime soon since my investment portfolio is utterly devastated like mud houses in a tropical storm. That said, my friend offered to rent out a three-room flat to me for S$800 to S$1000 near my place. Intriguing.

Dilemma

Is it better to be

(a) the biggest fish in a small fish tank with fish food deliver to you faithfully everyday;

or

(b) the same fish in a brilliant ocean world but filled with predators everywhere and you have to scrap for your own worms?

I was re-watching Finding Nemo again where I suddenly felt like one of the crazy fishes in the dentist's fish tank.

The choice would be of complete and utter irrelevance to me in two months time. I will be back swimming (dodging) with the sharks and giant sotongs again. More depressingly, all my friends have quit so I would be the only one swimming in the ocean dodging the predators. Better start sharpening my fins again.

Like an onion

ONION



Since I am the temp boss of this office till October, I now have people reporting to me. Which sucks because I have to officiate office politics like Justice Bao. Except I am not black, nor do I have a crescent moon sign on my forehead. But I do like baos. Hmm . . . baos . . . . .



Anywho, this new staff who just came in is becoming a pain in the neck. He is fat and has an ego. He couldn't sleep well in Vientiane because there are cows (Daisy's extended family must be huge) mooing outside the house and he is also scared of strange noises in the house. He is also arrogant and kept telling me of how he groomed his girlfriend and taught her what is foie gras (goose liver). He comes from a rich background, drove a big car around NUS when he was studying there and spent his daddy's money on investments. He said he paid a banker S$7000 a year to make him thousands of dollars off stocks.



In other words, the kind of NUS person which I love to hate.



But beneath the arrogant exterior, I sense a person with deep insecurities. Because that is what it is all about, isn't it? A confident person does not beat his own chest and try to impress others. A person confident of his abilities find his own path to walk, regardless of how rocky is the road he has chosen and what everyone thinks. Only a person who is constantly scared and worried has to drown the world with his own loud boasts. It is as if he is afraid of his own silence that he has to fill the void with his own voice, constantly eunciating his exploits. I think he is a good person beneath all the layers of insecurities (and fat). Like a fat onion. It is just a pity that he will forever live his life as an "approval whore", trying to win the favourable opinions of others while blowing up his exploits to impress others.



Since I am his temp boss, I have to think of ways to change him for the better. I think it is time for me to start reading some management books to learn how to deal with such staff.



HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS



Ha, no worries. No spoilers here. Just to say that I finished the book within couple of days and there is now a sense of emptiness since the Harry Potter series is over.



REAL ESTATE OPPORTUNITIES



Since housing in Singapore is so expensive, we can actually consider buying some choice real estate in Laos. Taken off my recent trip to the far-flung northern province of Luang Namtha.

I don't think the house in the middle of the padi field would cost a lot. I can grow some rice while rearing a few daisy cows.