Things to get in Singapore

I was in bed yesterday night thinking about going back to Singapore, just running through a list of things to do back home. There are several things I need to buy, some from IKEA:

(a) A full length mirror. I have one in my current house. It is not that I am the preening sort but a full length mirror reeks awesomeness.

(b) A wind chime. I realised that I am so used to Daisy's bells tinkling in the middle of the night outside my house that I probably wouldn't be able to sleep without hearing some bells.

(c) Some Lao wall-hanging fabric to make me remember the last 4 years of my life.

(d) I need to get broadband from SCV for my computer. And also all the lovely channels such as HBO and Cinemax. The great thing about coming back is that I would get Star Movies now.

(e) I need to sign up for California Fitness. Wonder how much it is? I just want to run the treadmills really.

I also need to move out.

A Contented Life

Like Isaac Newton being hit by an apple under the tree, I realised why I would miss this place.

Freedom.

You need to plan everything in Singapore. Where to go, where to eat, when to leave the house, where to park, which route to take to go to your destination so as to avoid the ERP. It is an expedition just to leave the house. You also got to compete with everybody from career, to grabbing the latest condominium unit and even a parking lot. Everything is more expensive and a meal now costs an arm or two legs. Everyone in Singapore has gone mad with all the planning and competing already, just that they haven't realised it yet.

Here in this country, I just hop into my car and just drive to anywhere I like. Driving is smooth cos there are only a few roads. I know the restaurants here by the back of my hand. I can park my car anywhere and I don't have to compete with anyone. No one is rushing here.

Total Freedom. I will miss it.

Tales of the Onion III

Onion came to my room and exclaimed whether I read the ST some days back. I thought something major happened in Singapore, like Fann Wong got married or Fiona Xie was caught shoplifting toilet seats.

Instead Onion was shocked that the ST reported that only 20% of Singapore families have a monthly income of S$8000+. He thought there must be a mistake in the reporting because he believed that almost everyone in Singapore is rich. I patiently explained that most people in Singapore are like me i.e. dumbass earning a salary to keep their heads above water. Like a duck paddling furiously while quacking serenely at breadtossers. It is common for a husband and wife to pull in S$3000 each so it is tough for the family to hit the S$8000 benchmark. Onion looked at me in disbelief.

Onion then went on to describe the rich crowd of doctors and lawyers he hangs out with. Apparently, they like to hang out at some arty French restaurant Les Amis and that Bali place.
Also, the in-thing nowadays for birthday gifts is to give US$100,000 to a publisher and the publisher will interview all your friends and family and then comes up with a autobiography of your life. Onion thinks that it will be an awesome birthday gift for his girlfriend - to present her with a book of her life for her birthday.

Did I tell you I hate rich elites in Singapore?

PS : That said, Onion has been doing ok recently by toning down his elitist attitude. A few more days of peeling his elitist outlook should do the trick.

Dumbass Headline of the Day

I got this off some foreign newspaper.

'A Bosnian couple are getting divorced after finding out they had been secretly chatting each other up online using fake names. Sana Klaric, 27, and husband Adnan, 32, from Zenica, poured out their hearts to each other over their marriage troubles, and both felt they had found their real soul mate. The couple had met in an online chat forum while he was at work and she in an internet cafe, and started chatting on under the names Sweetie and Prince of Joy. The pair eventually decided to meet up - but there was no happy ending when they realised what had happened. Now they are both filing for divorce - with each accusing the other of being unfaithful.'

What a pair of dumbasses!

On a side note, I am feeling rather stressed and apprehensive that I will be returning to Singapore in under three weeks. So many things to do, so little time to do them.

Oooh - A nice, fuzzy feeling

No, I am watching Golden Temple Amazons again. Heh heh.

I just got paid and looking my pay cheque gave me a nice, fuzzy feeling. This month is the month of bonus and allowances; my September pay thus went way pass the five-figure mark. I have never seen such an awesome pay cheque in my life (highly-paid elites like bankers and lawyers can stop reading here and go suck dick) and probably would never again. This is like, the highest point of my career. I feel like the CEO of some MNCs. I am going to take my historically high pay cheque and show it around credit card companies. In particular, American Express' famous sibei atas Black Card. Going to throw it in AMEX's face and say "You want some of it? Well, you ain't getting any! Remembre when you looked down on me? Well, I am sticking to my old vanilla gold DBS visa card! Ha Ha!"

I also read that the rage now is this Clear Card from DBS which DBS is practically whoring out for free and better still, they are waiving any requirement for applicants to have any income. Holy shit. This is so fucking unfair. Back in the bad, old days, we had to slave to get a credit card. I think back in 2000, a person's income has to hit S$3000 before one could qualify for a silver card? Having a credit card used to be like a medal of honor - like you have made it in life and has a ok job. Now, every non-working teenager seems to be carrying one or at least a supplemental card from their rich ass parents. All these teenage punks who don't have a job should stop raving about their new-found superpower to buy things without the need to use money. Get a proper job, bitches. Then we talk.

By the way, I can't help but to keep thinking about Golden Temple Amazons. Not about the bouncy boobs because as much as they may look nice from the director's artistic sense (yeah, right), they do get boring after 35223 boobs bounced across the screen for 80+ minutes. No, I am thinking about the male actors in the movie. I mean, how can they deliver their lines with a straight face and keep themselves from looking at the woman's boobs every minute or so? The male actors deserve an Oscar for being professionals. If I am in the movie, I would spend so much time looking around the "scenery" that I would forget all my lines. I would be quite useless in a porn movie. But then with a five figure salary, I wouldn't have to resort to being an extra in a cheap, trashy euro-porn movie. At least, not yet anyway. Either way though, I win.

Golden Temple Amazons - What a hoot!

I wanted to blog something else and then I watched this movie which was such a hoot.

This movie was made in 1983 so I practically guarantee that nobody ever saw this movie before. Heck, I myself don't know what shit this movie was. The only reason I watched this movie is because it was part of the DVD package with 24 other movies.

As I pushed the play button on my DVD player, I was expecting a sword/sorcery movie along the line of "Red Sonja" basically beautiful female heroines kicking people's asses all over the place. Well, the first scene basically sunk my hopes like the Titanic because it features 8 topless women riding their horses bouncing their boobs all over the screen. What a hoot.

The storyline is hackneyed. Girl's parents are killed by Amazons (topless of course) and then grows up in the Jungle like Tarzan. Therefore she herself also walks around without a bra. Which I guess is aerodynamic and helps her climb trees and elephants. Girl Tarzan decides to seek revenge on the naked Amazons so she decides to travel to the Amazons' HQ (Golden Temple) and manages to pick up a witch doctor and two scientists along the way.

The whole movie is dedicated to showing girl Tarzan as well as other women's boobs. How? E.g. the movie spent 20 minutes showing girl Tarzan climbing elephants and swinging from vine to vine just so you can observe the curvature of her boobs at all angles. Interesting. One of the female scientists decides to go for a swim for no good reason so that we can see her diving naked in the pool. After swimming, she decides to "explore a cave" naked.

YEAH, IT IS THAT KIND OF MOVIE.

There are more boobs on screen that you can shake a stick at. I am not sure whether this movie is supposed to be artistic but it sure is INTERESTING. Heh heh.