Funny things you read in Laos

Before I start, I guess it is not surprising to find strange English notices in Laos which are humorous or just do not make sense. English is barely spoken here and the locals are still struggling to learn the language. It is not surprising that locals made a completet cock-up when putting up English signs. However, sometimes you run across some article in the paper, tourist brochures which are downright stunning in terms of absolutely garbled messages.

Another reason I suspect is that the local government hired a malicious foreigner (e.g. French) to translate its documents into English and the foreigner secretly made fun of the Lao people knowing that no one else will ever check his work.

Let's take the Lao National Tourism Authority 2004 Guide to Laos for example.

Under the section of drugs, it says:

"Drugs are forbidden in Laos (we are not in Kathmandu or Goa)."

Holy shit. I think the Nepalese and Indian government are going to be real pissed when they find out. It is like saying "premarital sex is banned in Singapore (we are not like those degenerates from the West)."

Under the section of health, it also says:

"Hepatits, Japanese Encephalitis : if you have not been vaccinated, its too late!"

Hah Ha. Wow, thank you, Sherlock. How's that for being a useless advice? Can you imagine reading this shit in an official tourist guide book?

"You have been bitten by a dog? Here, you are lucky."

WTF?

"Bite from Tiger? Very bad, especially in rainy season."

OMG, WTF? Can someone do a google search and tell me why a tiger bite in rainy season is worse than the average tiger bite in say, dry seasons? Tiger got more teeths during wet days?

And after the tiger bite, the guidebook comforted you by saying:

"You will be comforted that your family is going to get news from you, reading the daily newspaper."

HA HA. Real funny, douchebags. I will be sure to remember this when I am being chewed by a tiger in Laos.

On the section "Thirsty?", the guidebook commented that:

"To cool your drink, prefer ice cubes to crushed ice. Otherwise, an elementary prudence would be to first boil the ice."

Hey, douchebags. How about just boil the fucking water? You boil the ice cubes for what?

I kid you not. These crazy writings actually appear in the 2004 Official Guide to Laos published by the Lao National Tourism Authority. There are much more but I am just so amused right now to write further.